Showing posts with label Tweeting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tweeting. Show all posts

Social Media/Mobile Technology Literacy Test

What Does This ‘#’ Mean to You?

A) Hashtag.

B) The Pound Symbol on Your Phone.

C) An Invitation to Play Tic-Tac-Toe.

D) That Funny Looking ‘Thingy’ Above the Number Three (3) Key on Your Ergonomically Designed Desktop PC Keyboard.

Copyright © 2008-2013 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Demi Divorces Ashton Over His Love Affair with…Twitter?! Ashton Responds Via Twitter

Hollywood, California –

According to divorce papers filed by Demi Moore against her husband several years her junior, Ashton Kutcher was having a Twitter love affair. Not with another woman on Twitter, however, but with IT (Information Technology). That is to say with the latest of today’s social networking and microblogging devices itself.

Not to break with new tradition, however, Ashton Kutcher replied to Demi Moore’s divorce decree allegations via his Twitter account.

“Mr. Kutcher became increasingly emotionally detached,” Demi Moore said at a press conference, as she began reading a copy of her filed court pleadings. “Choosing to spend more time Tweeting his millions of fans than with me.”

Ashton Tweeted: “That’s BS, man. Just wrong. I spent time with – Wait, excuse me. I just got to answer this Tweet.”

Demi Moore cited irreconcilable differences and alienation of affection as the cause for petitioning the court for a divorce.

Ashton Tweeted: “Typical chick move. Obsessed with planning the perfect wedding and the first one’s to file for divorce.”

Reportedly, Demi caught Ashton Tweeting at all times during the day and night.

Ashton Tweeted: “Come on, man. Cut me some slack here. It was only that once. Obama just won the election.”

“He just wouldn’t put it down,” said a desperate Demi Moore, claiming Ashton would Tweet at every opportunity possible.

Ashton Tweeted: “Oh yeah, I remember now. I was supposed to be shaving her hairy mole, lancing her boils and chucking the corns on her feet. EXCUSE MEEE!”

Allegedly, Ashton was caught Tweeting, even while making love to Demi.

Ashton Tweeted: “I guess you could say that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Like as in her Joe Camel 2-packs-a-day cigarette sounding voice.”

“When we were intimate,” Demi Moore said subtlety, as she delicately broached a sensitive subject. “Ashton would rest his BlackBerry on the small of my back.”

Ashton Tweeted: “Yeah, and when I got a Tweet, I said to her, ‘Sorry, honey. I just got to take this booty call.’ LOL.”

Demi Moore claims that she begged her husband to enter rehab, but he refused. Insisting he did not have a problem.

Ashton Tweeted: “Why should I? I’m not the one having trouble embracing the twenty-first century.”

Eventually, as is the case with all troubled relationships, communication between the two all but stopped.

Ashton Tweeted: “Yeah, she removed the batteries from her BlackBerry and started using them in other electronic devices.”

“In the end, he refused to talk to me,” said Demi Moore. “I grew tired of coming home to what had essentially become a big empty house.”

Ashton Tweeted: “That’s not true. I Tweeted her all the time from all over the place: the kitchen, the living room, the bathroom and even the bedroom.”

Demi Moore said she found it difficult to properly express herself in 140 characters or less, as Ashton demanded of her.

“Call me old fashion,” said a tearful Demi Moore. “But I need an occasional handwritten love letter. Something tactile that you can hold in your hands, and clutch to your heart.”

Ashton Tweeted: “Handwritten love letter? Try a clay tablet with hieroglyphics.”

A somber Demi Moore concluded by saying, “I guess social networking and microblogging was the one generation gap we just couldn’t fill.”

Ironically, Ashton simultaneously Tweeted the same thing:

Ashton Tweeted: “I guess social networking and microblogging was the one generation gap we just couldn’t fill.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Conan O’Brien’s New ‘Twitter’ Show Hires Zhora the Alcoholic, Chain-Smoking Chimp

Burbank, California --

Not quite recovered himself, not so much from the loss of the ‘The Tonight Show’ but of the friends he made out of the guests, co-workers and producers that appeared on it, perhaps it is befitting then that Conan O’Brien has reached out to an alienated alcoholic, nicotine-addicted male chimp named Zhora. A former entertainer of sorts himself in a traveling circus that roamed the Ukrainian countryside with gypsies, bringing smiles to the dirty faces of the impoverished children of nomadic tribesman in the radioactive shadow of Chernobyl.

“You see,” said Conan O’Brien in a webcam plea from his kid’s playhouse in his Beverly Hills backyard, asking the Russian rehab facility that is currently treating the chimp, if he can adopt him. “I know what it is like to have lost a career recently, and I really, really miss that. But what I miss even more is the friends that I made while practicing my profession.”

Conan O’Brien then gave a tour of the children’s playhouse he was streaming his show on the web from. Showing off still photographs of his friends that he hung on the walls. Friends that he so dearly missed: ‘Robo Pimp’, ‘The Masturbating Bear’ and ‘Triumph’ the Comic Insult Dog, just to mention a few.

“Ah, here’s a photo of one I miss the most,” said Conan O’Brien visibly shaken by the touching sentiments scrawled on the bottom of the autographed glossy black and white image of ‘Triumph’ the Comic Insult Dog. The caption underneath reading: ‘Here’s to Conan…for me to poop on!’

“Truly, ‘Triumph’ the Comic Insult Dog was this man’s best friend,” said Conan O’Brien, wiping away a tear as he spoke. Then looking directly into the webcam he added, poker faced: “And what a ratings getter too.”

Conan O’Brien then sat back down onto his bright plastic pink child’s chair that was to small for him, adjusting the webcam as he wiggled his way back into it. And lifting up a black attaché case, placing it onto the white plastic table before him that had blue, yellow and orange flower stickers on it, he smiled sinisterly, as he slowly opened it up, revealing stacks of money contained in it.

“That’s right,” said Conan O’Brien, his voice sounding demonstratively villainous. “They’re all Benjamin’s, six columns wide, three rows tall and six inches deep…Now gentlemen…tell me. Do I have a producer for my new ‘Twitter’ show, or not?”

Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo

Conan O’Brien’s ‘Tweet’ No Joke; Real 911 Call for Help?

Universal City, California --

Not one to disappoint his fans, Conan O’Brien, former host of ‘The Tonight Show’ and consummate funnyman, used his ‘Twitter’ account to keep in shape since leaving the late night talk show circuit by conducting his first interview from his backyard. His first guest: a squirrel he encountered. However, the cute skit quickly turned ugly, resulting in him having to cut to commercial and asking for assistance.

“Today I interviewed a squirrel in my backyard. Then threw to commercial. Somebody help me,” ‘Tweeted’ Conan O’Brien to his loyal fans who eagerly await his return to network TV, cable or even the Internet.

“Conan O’Brien has never been funnier,” said Wanda Sykes, a comedienne, sitcom TV star, talk show host on FOX and Jay Leno fan when she received the O’Brien ‘Tweet’, thinking it was a joke. “I laughed so hard when I read it. I said to myself, ‘Too bad he couldn’t be that funny on ‘The Tonight Show’.”

Unfortunately for Conan O’Brien it was no joke.

“Due to the limited number of characters someone can ‘Tweet’ to express themselves,” said a spokesman for ‘Twitter’. “Conan O’Brien’s cry for help was misinterpreted by those who received his brief message.”

“He [Conan O’Brien] thought it would be funny to interview a squirrel that lives in a tree in our backyard,” explained Mrs. O’Brien to the fire department that responded to her 911 call, as they attended to her husband who was laid out on the lawn under a tree. “So he sat down at the playhouse we got for the kids and started interviewing this, this squirrel.”

However, Conan O’Brien did not realize that he was sitting across the table having a cup of tea with a rabid squirrel that quickly lunged at him, attacking him.

“I guess his instincts as a professional talk show host kicked in,” said Mrs. O’Brien.

While he struggled to remove the squirrel attached to his face, Conan O’Brien maintained his composure by throwing to a commercial before asking for help.

“All the while he was still ‘Tweeting’ to his fans,” said Mrs. O’Brien.

Mrs. O’Brien managed to scare off the squirrel with a garden hose, washing it off her husband’s face.

“He always puts his fans first,” said Mrs. O’Brien attempting to comfort the crying O’Brien children as they waved bye-bye to their father.

As the paramedics lifted up Conan O’Brien on the gurney, locking the wheels in place and began rolling him out to the ambulance parked in the driveway, he spoke to the EMT’s from beneath his oxygen mask, his pale white face bearing tiny red scratch marks.

“Could you X-ray my stomach when we get to the hospital? I think that squirrel laid an egg inside me, or something,” said frightened looking Conan O’Brien, his trademarked red quaff of a cowlick all a muss. “Wait…did you see that? My chest…did it bulge just now? Or was that the wind blowing up my shirt? Oh my God! Get it off of me! Get it off me! Now back to you Ed…Heeerrreee’s Johnny!”

Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo