Dr. Phil Psychoanalyzes Rihanna’s ‘Man Down’ Video for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Burbank, California --

"Now are you sure you’re not suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)?" asked Dr. Phil of Rihanna live in front of a studio audience after viewing her controversial 'Man Down' music video. "Because in my professional opinion, you’re exhibiting all the classical signs of it. I mean I’ve seen returning vets from both Iraq and Afghanistan cope better than you have. And they’ve been in a combat situation with live rounds and bombs going off all around them."

"What do you mean?" replied a defensive Rihanna who sat across from Dr. Phil with her arms crossed. "I’ve displayed very little emotion, if any over the so-called incident."

"That’s exactly my point," said Dr. Phil. "This new video of yours is the first time you have dealt with your emotions since Chris Brown beat you up, and you’ve been living in a state of denial ever since. I’m right or am I right?"

"No!" shouted out Rihanna before recomposing herself. "No, you’re wrong Dr. Phil. So wrong."

"Huh," replied Dr. Phil.

"What’s that supposed to mean?" said Rihanna without waiting for a response. "Oh, I get it. You’re using reverse psychology on me, aren’t you? Well, it won’t work. I won’t talk and you can’t make me."

"Huh," replied Dr. Phil.

"Okay, okay," said Rihanna, as she began to breakdown in tears. "The man that gets…the man that gets shot in my video is suppose to be…is supposed to be Tupac Shakur (2Pac)."

The audience let out a gasp. Then they all turned to each other, asking each other who is Tupac (2pac)?"

"Huh?" said Dr. Phil.

"You know," said Rihanna. "The famous rapper that was murdered in 1996."

Shaking their heads, the audience looked at Rihanna in disbelief.

"Huh," said Dr. Phil.

Dr. Phil then rose to his feet and gave a hand signal to his assistants that stood off stage.

"Well, Rihanna," said Dr. Phil. "I’m going to help you work through you’re feelings of helplessness, powerlessness and especially denial. So that way you don’t have to vicariously endlessly reenact it through your music and videos, exposing the rest of us to the pathogen of domestic violence."

Just then, Dr. Phil's assistants walked on stage carrying an attack suit (a heavily padded protective outer garment with enlarged head), placing Dr. Phil into it.

"Okay, Rihanna," said Dr, Phil, his voice somewhat muffled by the huge helmet head. "I want you to pretend that I’m that man in your 'Man Down' music video."

Rihanna just sat there. She was still defiant, still in denial.

"I am that man. The one, who attacked you," said Dr. Phil as he drew closer. "What are you going to do about it?"

Again, Rihanna just sat there. Still in a state of denial. Though she began to turn her head away from Dr. Phil as he slowly approached her.

"I am that man. The one, who attacked you," repeated Dr. Phil, as he was just inches away from Rihanna’s face. "I am that man. I am, Chris Brown!"

Suddenly, before anyone could react, Rihanna jumped up on her feet. And pulling out a gun from seemingly nowhere, she popped a cap in Dr. Phil's ass (she shot him), making him fall back and onto the ground. Fall back and onto the ground.

Then as she stood over him, looking down at him between her legs, she fired the gun five more times until it was empty. The hammer clicking several more times into vacant chambers after that.

A horrified studio audience looked on in silence. Too shocked to react.

"Take that to the Grammy’s, Chris!" yelled out Rihanna, as she then turned and walked off stage with a swagger in her hips that is most attractive above all the rest: one filled with independence and self-confidence.

A still barely conscience, Dr. Phil slowly rolled back-and-forth on the ground, moaning as gray smoke arose from the bullet holes in his protective attack suit.

"Good thing I wore body armor underneath," reassuringly said Dr. Phil to the studio audience that gave out a sigh of relief. "What? You think I’m stupid just because I have a Southern accent? We’ll be right back after these brief messages from our sponsors. Man, this was worse than the last time. But not as bad as those poor ladies faced alone with Chris."

The studio audience rose to its feet and cheered.

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