Saturday, October 6, 2012

A Gentleman’s Arrangement: What Obama and Romney Agreed to Leave Out of Their Presidential Debate

Hey, Mitt. You’re Suppose to Keep It Under Your Top Hat.
Aurora, Colorado --

As we all know but what our politicians will not admit to us is that behind closed doors in cigar smoke-filled rooms, the real wheeling and dealing is the place where things really get done. Especially, deals brokered between gentlemen. 

And so such arrangements are made before every Presidential Debate between the candidates as to what not to mention during their debate. This list of taboo topics, subjects or skeletons in the closet is rarely violated. And certainly never made public, until now. 

The gentlemen’s agreement between President Barack H. Obama and Mitt Romney is no exception. What makes it unique, however, is that it has been vetted here in transcript form by funfakenews.com, which it purchased for a dollar from some guy wearing a tan trench coat and gray fedora, standing in a darkened alleyway. Enjoy.  

Transcript Begins:


Obama: I won’t mention what you did to your family dog, while on vacation. You know the time you placed him in a cage on top of the roof of your car, driving down the highway at top speed for hundreds of miles. Stopping along the way to wash off the [BLEEP] you scared out of him.

Romney: Thank you very much, Mr. President. And in exchange, I won’t mention you’d like to eat him.

Obama: That’s fair. Fair enough. By the way, how is Fido doing?

Romney: We just recently lost him.

Obama: Oh really. I’m sorry to hear that. How did he go?

Romney: Well, we were booked on a flight here to Colorado, you see. When my wife turned to me while standing in line at the ticket counter and asked me to check in the dog. We were running a little late, so I thought why not  –

Obama: Never mind. Never mind. I don’t what to know. Let’s just move on.

Romney: Okay.

Obama: Now about this gaffe about airplanes.

Romney: What gaffe about airplanes?

Obama: You know the one you made a couple of weeks ago about airplanes not having windows that open. It’s too tempting to pass up. Really, airplanes with windows that open? What won’t you say next?

Romney: What gaffe about airplanes?

Obama: I see...Let’s keep moving on.

Romney: No! Wait a minute. That’s how I just lost, Fido.

Obama: What?

Romney: Yeah, that’s how I lost Fido on the way over here. You see, if airplanes did have windows that could open, I could have opened one up and hung onto Fido’s leash, while he ran along side the plane.  Instead, I had to tie his leash to the --

Obama: I don’t want to hear it. Moving on. Moving on.

Romney: Okay.

Obama: Now what about this speech you made in Jerusalem a couple of months ago when you said Israelis are superior to their Palestinian neighbors?

Romney: It’s true. My son read it in a book about the Middle East. And that’s what it said.

Obama: I see. And what’s the name of this book.

Romney: The Bible.

Obama: Okay. And what will you agree not to bring up about me during the debate in exchange for me not mentioning that?

Romney: How about the last four years of your administration?

Obama: That’s fair. Fair enough.

Transcript Ends


Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

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