Maybe there is some truth to that old joke about a man complaining to his bartender that his best friend just ran off with his wife…and he misses him. Or maybe it is just a case of déjà vu.
That is because Bruce Willis has just changed residence again. However, this time instead of moving into a house directly across the street from his ex-wife, Demi Moore, he has moved into a house across the street from Ashton Kutcher’s new home.
“Just like he did when Demi dumped him for Ashton,” said a member of the paparazzi staked out in front of the Kutcher residence, waiting for an opportunity to take a picture for the tabloids. “But back then, Bruce said it was so he could be close to his kids. I can hardly wait to hear his excuse now.”
A friend close to Bruce says he has “definitely developed a man crush” on Ashton, though he fears to confront it.
Perhaps believing it will send him into a deep homosexual panic.
“Bruce is beside himself,” continued the female friend with a deep raspy smoker’s voice, asking not to be identified. “And believe me, Demi is not too happy either.”
It appears that Demi Moore went into an outrage when she discovered Bruce followed Ashton to his new home.
“She walked across the street from her house to Bruce’s,” said the friend. “You know, just to get a hug.”
However, all Demi found was moving men packing Bruce’s furniture into the backend of a truck.
“I guess she thought all this time that he was really there for her,” said the friend as she began to cry. “You know, waiting for her to come back to him.”
“It was a real ego boost to Demi. I can tell you that,” said another paparazzo, who along with the others have been documenting the love triangle over the years with their cameras. “I got pictures of her gloating in the review mirror of her car.”
Looking back at Bruce’s house across the street from hers, while she waited with Ashton for the security gate to open up.
“He would be peeking through the curtains at her,” the friend reminisced with great fondness.
“It was a little creepy if you ask me,” commented a paparazzo.
All the while Bruce watched the love of his life, the mother to his children making out with a man half his age in a driveway just across the street a stone’s throw way.
“But way out of reach for him,” continued the now sobbing friend. “Or so she thought, as she foolishly sat in an idling car with her hot young Hollywood producer lover, running her fingers through his full head of silken hair. As her ex-husband, father of her children watched…How stupid could she be, thinking it could last.”
“I got pictures of that too,” said a paparazzo. “We all do.”
However, none of paparazzi had the heart to publish them. Seeing that all had been married and divorced themselves at one time or another. Some more than once, still others more than twice.
“Bruce looked so pitiful. Just standing there, watching his ex-wife from behind those curtains,” said a paparazzo. “A real broken guy, if you ever saw one.”
“I guess you got to be a guy to understand,” said another paparazzo.
“So you see,” said yet another paparazzo. “We’re not the coldhearted money grabbing bastards movie stars and the mainstream media makes us out to be.”
“We’re capable of relating on a personal level,” said another paparazzo. “Not just a professional one.”
“Yeah,” said another paparazzo with a tough New York accent. “We got hearts too, you know.”
Just then Ashton Kutcher, driving a red convertible Mercedes-Benz, pulled into the driveway across the street from Bruce Willis’ new residence.
“Looking back,” continued one paparazzo from behind a camera lens, as he began snapping away photos of Bruce Willis peeking through the curtains like before. “I guess it was a good thing we didn’t publish those photos.”
“Yeah,” added the paparazzo from New York, also busy taking pictures. “Having a heart really does pay off, because now those man crush pictures, along with these man crush pictures are going to make us a fortune.”
Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.