Showing posts with label physics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label physics. Show all posts

String Theory Now Officially a Philosophy?

Despite the recent discoveries made in the field of physics at CERN, Cambridge just announced that String Theory will now be taught by the philosophy department...What are they preparing us for?

Copyright (c) 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.  

Open Mic Night at Caltech 1.2: Quantum Zeno Effect [Turing Paradox] Stand Up “Cause or Effect?” Comedy Planck Time (tP)

Open Mic Night at Caltech 1.2: Quantum Zeno Effect [Turing Paradox] Stand Up “Cause or Effect?” Comedy Planck Time (tP)

Q: Why did the Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire (CERN) order a case of eye drops for the entire Large Hadron Collider (LHC) campus?

A: So its physicists wouldn’t suffer dry-eye and blink. Thereby preventing the decay of any sub-atomic particles observed.


It’s funny, because it’s both true and false at the same time.

Photos courtesy of

Copyright © 2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

LHC at CERN Converted into Gallagher’s ‘Sledge-O-Matic’® Watermelon-Smashing Machine

Paris, France –

American prop comedian Gallagher, best known for his trademarked watermelon-smashing act, has been invited to the Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire (CERN) to smash melons at an accelerated rate of velocity, many reaching nearly that of the speed of light.

“Now that we’ve found the so-called 'God Particle', we’re pretty much wrapping things up here,” said a CERN physicist. “After all, we never really expected to find it -- I mean find it so soon.”

CERN physicists say they know of no one else on the planet that enjoys smashing things more than they do other than Gallagher and thus the reason why they invited him to their facility.

Ever since CERN physicists found the God particle, however, they have been sitting around, burning through their grant money, running lower priority experiments. Such as using the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) to dry their laundry, cracking walnuts and bust open a few piñatas for the kids in the neighborhood.

So physicists thought to themselves, “Why not invite Gallagher to throw a few melons around, except really, really fast?”

Inside the LHC, the watermelons will be accelerated to incredible speeds.

“Gallagher will be inside the LHC too,” said a physicist.

Once the watermelons reach their top speed, Gallagher will be allowed to step into the LHC.

Gallagher will be wearing protective gear, of course. Consisting of a white clean suit, goggles and a giant wooden mallet.

“He will then attempt to smash the oncoming watermelons, which will be whisking by him at nearly the speed of light,” said a physicist.

However some physicists predict that at that speed, Gallagher will no longer be the one doing the smashing.

“He’ll quickly go from a melon smasher to a melon smashee in a microsecond. Transforming from matter into energy right before our very own spectro-monitors,” one physicist cautioned.

Despite the doomsday forecast, however, Gallagher remains confident that he will be able to smash any watermelon at any speed without being converted into pure energy.

“After all his trusty ‘Sledge-O-Matic®’ has never let him down before,” said Gallagher’s publicist.

Meanwhile, inside the LHC, entombed within miles and miles of subterranean tunneling, Gallagher takes up his position with his giant wooden mallet in hand, as a watermelon light-speeds its way toward him.

…To Be Continued.

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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CERN Finds the ‘Godfather’ Particle!!!

Paris, France –

“Actually, I found them,” said the Godfather particle. In a bone chilling sit down interview with physicists at the Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire (CERN).

As the CERN physicists, still in their white lab coats, gathered around the Godfather particle in a laboratory near the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), the elusive piece of subatomic matter and energy spoke freely and candidly with them.

“I heard you boys were looking for me,” said the Godfather particle from behind a dark oak desk wearing a black tuxedo suit, white shirt and black bow tie. Particles W and Z, his enforcers, were standing at his side.

“How did you know?” asked Stephen Hawking, the British theoretical physicist and mathematician by remote link on the World Wide Web.

“I hear things. I hear things,” replied the Godfather particle. “You see, it's not all void in the infinite recesses of inner space.”

“Yes, Godfather particle,” said a CERN physicist, stepping forward from the group of others to address the Godfather particle.

“So, I come here thinking you boys wants a little favor from me,” continued the Godfather particle as particle W leaned over to whisper something inaudible into his ear.

The Godfather particle just nodded and continued to speak to the physicists who now gathered in a tight circle to consult each other and Stephen Hawking.

“Well? I’m I right or am I right?” rhetorically asked the Godfather particle.

The same physicist as before stepped forward encouraged by the other physicists.

“Godfather particle,” nervously began the physicist. “We were wondering – and Stephen Hawking over there on the computer -- if you could answer a few unanswered questions regarding the Universe.”

“Sure. Go right ahead,” said the Godfather particle.

“Well, we were wondering,” the physicist continued. “Did the Universe really begin with a Big Bang?”

Turning to particle W, the Godfather particle said, “Hey, Winny. Did you hear that?”

“What’s that boss,” replied the hired muscle.

“The man in the white lab coat wants to know if the Universe really began with a Big Bang,” said the Godfather particle.

“Oh, yeah,” replied the thug.

“Why don’t you show him, Winny,” said the Godfather particle.

“Sure thing boss,” Winny replied as he pulled out a gun and shot the physicist dead.

“BANG!” said Winny while laughing. “Was that BIG enough for you?”

“Take a good look boys,” said the Godfather particle. “That’s what you get for asking me a stupid question. So I’d be very careful about your next one if I were you.”

The other physicists just looked on shocked. But still none of them made a move or showed any desire to leave the laboratory. None could leave their life’s work behind. None could leave their only chance to have their scientific questions about the Universe answered. Besides, they could not leave if they tried, as the only exit was guarded by particle Z.

“Now, any of you other boys got a better question for me?” asked the Godfather particle.

The physicists quickly consulted with each other again.

“What’s at the end of the Universe?” asked another physicist stepping forward, while nervously looking back at the others.

“A pair of concrete shoes,” quickly replied the Godfather particle.

“A pair of concrete shoes?” repeated the physicist in disbelief.

“Yeah, just for you,” said the Godfather particle. “Take ‘em out of here.”

“Now, any more stupid questions?” asked the Godfather particle.

Slowly another physicist emerged from the group timidly stepping forward to ask another question, as the first physicist was dragged away by particles W and Z.

“Yes, Godfather particle,” said a soft-spoken physicist, wearing a pair of black frame eyeglasses. “I have a question for you. It’s from Stephen Hawking over there on the Internet.”

“Well, what is it?” asked the Godfather particle.

The timid looking physicist then asked for permission to approach the Godfather particle. Due to the physicist’s soft-spookiness, the Godfather particle granted him permission.

“What’s at the bottom of a Black Hole?” barely whispered the physicist into the Godfather particle’s ear.

“What’s at the bottom of a Black Hole?” repeated the Godfather particle as the look of puzzlement on his face quickly changed to a look of surprise and horror as he realized the physicist was really an assassin in disguise. Sent by Stephen Hawking.

“YOU!” answered the soft-spoken physicist, as he removed his black framed eyeglasses, jabbing them into the eyeball socket of the Godfather particle.

“The Godfather particle is dead! The Godfather particle is dead!” said Stephen Hawking over the remote link. “Oh good. Now I don’t have to pay that $100 dollar bet I made.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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