Showing posts with label Man on the Moon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Man on the Moon. Show all posts

Earth on 'Earth Day' Attempts First-Ever Global Selfie Taken from Space

Only 'Earth Day' Selfie Already Photo Bombed by All Mankind Instead (Circa 1969)

Copyright © 2008-2014 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

LHC at CERN Converted into Gallagher’s ‘Sledge-O-Matic’® Watermelon-Smashing Machine

Paris, France –

American prop comedian Gallagher, best known for his trademarked watermelon-smashing act, has been invited to the Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire (CERN) to smash melons at an accelerated rate of velocity, many reaching nearly that of the speed of light.

“Now that we’ve found the so-called 'God Particle', we’re pretty much wrapping things up here,” said a CERN physicist. “After all, we never really expected to find it -- I mean find it so soon.”

CERN physicists say they know of no one else on the planet that enjoys smashing things more than they do other than Gallagher and thus the reason why they invited him to their facility.

Ever since CERN physicists found the God particle, however, they have been sitting around, burning through their grant money, running lower priority experiments. Such as using the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) to dry their laundry, cracking walnuts and bust open a few piñatas for the kids in the neighborhood.

So physicists thought to themselves, “Why not invite Gallagher to throw a few melons around, except really, really fast?”

Inside the LHC, the watermelons will be accelerated to incredible speeds.

“Gallagher will be inside the LHC too,” said a physicist.

Once the watermelons reach their top speed, Gallagher will be allowed to step into the LHC.

Gallagher will be wearing protective gear, of course. Consisting of a white clean suit, goggles and a giant wooden mallet.

“He will then attempt to smash the oncoming watermelons, which will be whisking by him at nearly the speed of light,” said a physicist.

However some physicists predict that at that speed, Gallagher will no longer be the one doing the smashing.

“He’ll quickly go from a melon smasher to a melon smashee in a microsecond. Transforming from matter into energy right before our very own spectro-monitors,” one physicist cautioned.

Despite the doomsday forecast, however, Gallagher remains confident that he will be able to smash any watermelon at any speed without being converted into pure energy.

“After all his trusty ‘Sledge-O-Matic®’ has never let him down before,” said Gallagher’s publicist.

Meanwhile, inside the LHC, entombed within miles and miles of subterranean tunneling, Gallagher takes up his position with his giant wooden mallet in hand, as a watermelon light-speeds its way toward him.

…To Be Continued.

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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NASA Lunar Probes Fail to Find Andy Kaufman A.K.A. 'Man on the Moon'

Houston, Texas - -

Ever since he failed to show up 10 years after his reported death and burial, top NASA officials secretly set out to find the late 1970s and early 1980s performance artist sensation, Andy Kaufman on their own. And in the only possible hiding place he could be: the southern polar region of the moon. So in the predawn hours today, NASA crashed two minivansized probes into the lunar surface to find out. Each specially equipped.

"One of the minivan sized probes contained all vegetarian frozen meals, the latest Yoga DVDs and back issues of 'Varity," said a spokesman for NASA. "The other was filled to capacity with Hollywood agents looking to sign up Andy Kaufman for a 'Taxi' show reunion special, staring that adorable Foreign Man character, 'Latka."

"It's the only place he could be," said James Robinson, a devoted fan of Andy Kaufman and NASA project director in charge of aiming the probes at the moon, assuring their impact on the surface without entailing the destruction of all probe contents and lives onboard. "It's the only place that has hydrogen (water and oxygen) to support life."

Although preliminary telemetry analysis so far has not surfaced either Andy Kaufman or the lovable 'Latka Gravas', NASA scientists remain optimistic. Reporting that just moments before either of the probes impacted they picked up what some are regarding not only as proof of the presence of water, but signs of life.

"A second before the probes impacted," said Robinson. "We picked up three distinct audio signals originating from the surface of the moon."

Sound analysis has confirmed one was the theme song from "Mighty Mouse" "Here I come to save the day!" and the other a simple, "Tank you veddy much!"

NASA officials are still attempting to ascertain the identity of third audio signal and have only been able to decipher the lyrics, which it has released to the public for its assistance. Just follow the bouncing ball: "If you believe, they put a man on the moon. Man on the moon -- "

"What a pile of crap! Follow the bouncing ball my ass," said Tony Clifton, retired lounge signer and business associate of Kaufman in a long distance phone call from South Beach, Florida.

"Wait a doggone minute. What did you say you little prick? I'm not retired. I'm just waiting for Andy to come back from the grave, like he told me to do...See, I even brought a space shuttle to pick him up. Get it? Pick him up? Ah, you're all a bunch of pricks."

for more Andy Kaufman click here

Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.