“Actually, I found them,” said the Godfather particle. In a bone chilling sit down interview with physicists at the Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire (CERN).
As the CERN physicists, still in their white lab coats, gathered around the Godfather particle in a laboratory near the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), the elusive piece of subatomic matter and energy spoke freely and candidly with them.
“I heard you boys were looking for me,” said the Godfather particle from behind a dark oak desk wearing a black tuxedo suit, white shirt and black bow tie. Particles W and Z, his enforcers, were standing at his side.
“How did you know?” asked Stephen Hawking, the British theoretical physicist and mathematician by remote link on the World Wide Web.
“I hear things. I hear things,” replied the Godfather particle. “You see, it's not all void in the infinite recesses of inner space.”
“Yes, Godfather particle,” said a CERN physicist, stepping forward from the group of others to address the Godfather particle.
“So, I come here thinking you boys wants a little favor from me,” continued the Godfather particle as particle W leaned over to whisper something inaudible into his ear.
The Godfather particle just nodded and continued to speak to the physicists who now gathered in a tight circle to consult each other and Stephen Hawking.
“Well? I’m I right or am I right?” rhetorically asked the Godfather particle.
The same physicist as before stepped forward encouraged by the other physicists.
“Godfather particle,” nervously began the physicist. “We were wondering – and Stephen Hawking over there on the computer -- if you could answer a few unanswered questions regarding the Universe.”
“Sure. Go right ahead,” said the Godfather particle.
“Well, we were wondering,” the physicist continued. “Did the Universe really begin with a Big Bang?”
Turning to particle W, the Godfather particle said, “Hey, Winny. Did you hear that?”
“What’s that boss,” replied the hired muscle.
“The man in the white lab coat wants to know if the Universe really began with a Big Bang,” said the Godfather particle.
“Oh, yeah,” replied the thug.
“Why don’t you show him, Winny,” said the Godfather particle.
“Sure thing boss,” Winny replied as he pulled out a gun and shot the physicist dead.
“BANG!” said Winny while laughing. “Was that BIG enough for you?”
“Take a good look boys,” said the Godfather particle. “That’s what you get for asking me a stupid question. So I’d be very careful about your next one if I were you.”
The other physicists just looked on shocked. But still none of them made a move or showed any desire to leave the laboratory. None could leave their life’s work behind. None could leave their only chance to have their scientific questions about the Universe answered. Besides, they could not leave if they tried, as the only exit was guarded by particle Z.
“Now, any of you other boys got a better question for me?” asked the Godfather particle.
The physicists quickly consulted with each other again.
“What’s at the end of the Universe?” asked another physicist stepping forward, while nervously looking back at the others.
“A pair of concrete shoes,” quickly replied the Godfather particle.
“A pair of concrete shoes?” repeated the physicist in disbelief.
“Yeah, just for you,” said the Godfather particle. “Take ‘em out of here.”
“Now, any more stupid questions?” asked the Godfather particle.
Slowly another physicist emerged from the group timidly stepping forward to ask another question, as the first physicist was dragged away by particles W and Z.
“Yes, Godfather particle,” said a soft-spoken physicist, wearing a pair of black frame eyeglasses. “I have a question for you. It’s from Stephen Hawking over there on the Internet.”
“Well, what is it?” asked the Godfather particle.
The timid looking physicist then asked for permission to approach the Godfather particle. Due to the physicist’s soft-spookiness, the Godfather particle granted him permission.
“What’s at the bottom of a Black Hole?” barely whispered the physicist into the Godfather particle’s ear.
“What’s at the bottom of a Black Hole?” repeated the Godfather particle as the look of puzzlement on his face quickly changed to a look of surprise and horror as he realized the physicist was really an assassin in disguise. Sent by Stephen Hawking.
“YOU!” answered the soft-spoken physicist, as he removed his black framed eyeglasses, jabbing them into the eyeball socket of the Godfather particle.
“The Godfather particle is dead! The Godfather particle is dead!” said Stephen Hawking over the remote link. “Oh good. Now I don’t have to pay that $100 dollar bet I made.”
Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.