Showing posts with label E.T.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label E.T.. Show all posts

Atari's E.T. Game So Bad Landfill Contaminated, Closed and Placed on EPA Superfund Cleanup List

Armijo, New Mexico –

Everybody knew the Atari E.T. game was bad when it was released back in 1982.

So bad, in fact, that video game historians blame it for the collapse of the home video game industry in 1983. 

However, nobody would have ever guessed that the 8-bit music track game was so super bad that it would continue to contaminate the environment decades later.

“After taking soil samples from the landfill where the Atari E.T. games cartridges where unearth, lab tests have determined the level of toxic contamination is so high, it warrants an immediate shutdown of the facility and placement on the superfund cleanup list for decontamination,” read the EPA press release. “So as of 0800 hours today, the EPA has taken over the landfill, permanently closing it to the public.”

Shortly thereafter, white unmarked vans and men wearing hazardous materials (HAZMAT) suits soon arrived at the waste disposal facility. 

Despite having been cordoned off with police caution tape, however, a number of local children were spotted at the landfill, looking for copies of the E.T. games for themselves.

“I pulled up on a group of them,” said Officer Jose Martinez of the Armijo Police Department. 

However, the children did not yield to the police and bolted off on their bikes instead.

“One had an E.T. game cartage in his basket, so I decided to chase him,” said Officer Martinez.

As Officer Martinez called his dispatcher for back up, the pursuit was joined by a number of white unmarked vans, men in HAZMAT suits as well as men wearing business suits and dark sunglasses.

“We were closing in on the kid,” said Officer Martinez. “When all of a sudden his bike began to fly up in the air.”

Both police and government officials called off the pursuit and called in homeland security.

“They took him out with a Hellfire missile launched from a predator drone platform,” said Officer Martinez. 

Later, men in HAZMAT suits recovered the Atari E.T. game cartage from the twisted wreckage of the kid’s bike. 

“The basket was still smoldering,” said Officer Martinez. “Good news though. The contents were recovered undamaged.”

The military has since taken control of the landfill and posted a sign stating, “Welcome to Area 52”.

Copyright © 2008-2014 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Apollo 10’s Space Turd Stored at Area 51

Are You ready for Alien Autopsy "Number 2"?
Las Vegas, Nevada –

As the NASA transcript of the space turd incident aboard the Apollo 10 flight to the moon in 1969 documented, all three astronauts deny they made the unvacuum-packed space

“The incident nearly cost us the dress rehearsal mission to the moon,” said a NASA official.

Upon Apollo 10’s safe return home, NASA quickly confiscated the interstellar poop and questioned the crewmembers extensively while still in quarantine. All to no avail. 

Unable to identify the party responsible (DNA testing still decades away), NASA kept the brown log in cold storage all these years at the Kennedy Space Center at Cape Canaveral, Florida.

“Hoping one day to solve the mystery of the in-flight dump of Apollo 10, finally identifying its owner,” said Fredrick Thompson, a UFO expert.

However, after conducting DNA testing early this year in preparation of releasing the Apollo 10 transcript, NASA quickly removed the scat under armed guard from the Kennedy Space Center -- Though they refused to say where it was being relocated.

“It was moved to a top-secret facility known as Area 51,” claims Thompson. 

Area 51 is located in a remote part of the Nevada desert and troops stationed there are under orders to shoot any trespassers. 

“Which can only mean one thing,” continued Thompson. “We’re dealing with an E.T.E. (extra terrestrial excrement).” 

Thompson believes the out of this world feces is undergoing a series of testing at Area 51 in expectation of confirming that the crewmembers of Apollo 10 were not alone. 

“They must have picked up a galactic gastric hitchhiker along the way,” said Thompson. “Right now, NASA is testing the [BLEEP] out of that little piece of [BLEEP], conducting an alien duce dropping autopsy of their own.”

Copyright © 2008-2013 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

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