Showing posts with label State of The Union Address. Show all posts
Showing posts with label State of The Union Address. Show all posts

Obama Delivers “Back to the Future” State of the Union Address

Washington, D.C. --

“I will travel through time,” said President Obama as he jumped into a modified DeLorean parked on the congressional floor. “Back to 1950s America. And once there, I will personally bring back the prosperity from that period back to the future. Wait for me here. This shouldn’t take too long.”

As everybody waited for President Obama to return, however, a librarian from the Library of Congress suddenly ran onto the floor, waving a newspaper printed in the 1950s in the air.

“President Obama has been arrested!” shouted the librarian.

As the members of Congress huddled around the librarian, she read the article out loud to them.

Black Man Breaks into Fort Knox

Louisville Kentucky –

A male Negro, approx. 50, was arrested for breaking into Fort Knox today.

“He claimed he was not stealing the gold bars he had placed in his car, but that he was merely transferring funds from the past into the future,” said the arresting officer.

According to police, the man claimed he had the authority to make the so-called “transaction” because he was the President of the United States of American.

Initially authorities paid no attention to the man’s wild assertions, however, when he provided them with proper identification papers and shared intimate knowledge of the White House interior, police placed a call to Washington, D.C.

“We’re still awaiting word from the White House,” said police. “Until then, we’ll continue to hold the suspect in custody.”

Meanwhile, in other news today, President Truman stunned everyone when he unexpectedly reversed himself, recalling his executive order integrating the Negro population among the armed forces.

“What do we do now?” asked a Congressman of the others.

However, before anyone could answer, everybody’s attention was drawn to the sound of a striking gavel.

It was Vice President Biden at the podium.

“Okay, everybody,” said President Biden. “There’s a new sheriff in town.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Chris Matthews Watched as Obama Turned into ‘The Invisible Man’...Not the ‘Invisible Man’

Washington, D.C. --

“Pretty soon Obama lost all his pigmentation,” confessed TV political pundit Chris Matthews as he described watching Barack Obama, the nation’s first Black President deliver his first State of the Union address. “I didn’t even see a Black man anymore…I saw an invisible man.”

Actually, Chris Matthews claims all he saw was just a suit floating in the air, where Obama was standing on TV a moment ago.

“I wish Republicans could have seen Obama as I did. All invisible like that,” continued Chris Matthews. “Then maybe they would get along with him a little bit better.”

“We assure all Americans of every color,” replied a spokesman for the GOP, commenting on Chris Mathews’ colorblind remarks. “We don’t see a Black man when we look at President Obama. In fact, like Chris Matthews, we don’t see President Obama at all. To us he’s not merely invisible like in that book ‘The Invisible Man’ by H.G. Wells, but it’s as if he doesn’t exist. You know, like in that book ‘Invisible Man’ by Ralph Ellison.”

Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo

State of the Union Address Delayed Due to Teleprompter Upgrade!

Washington, D.C. --

Sitting in the Oval Office, just hours before his first State of the Union address and after losing his filibuster proof majority in both houses, waiting impatiently for the return of his teleprompter that his foulmouthed chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, sent out for an upgrade days earlier, President Barack Obama checks his wristwatch for what seemed the hundredth time, before rising to his feet and walking over to the intercom on his desk.

“Rahm, is it back yet?” asked Obama, leaning over to speak into the intercom.

“Not [BLEEP] yet Mr. President,” Rahm Emanuel replied back over the intercom as he waited across the way at the service entrance of the White House for the deliveryman to arrive. “But I’ll call you as soon as the [BLEEP] comes in.”

“Don’t call me damn it!” said Obama with a raised voice. Pausing a moment before continuing, he managed to regain his composure, calming himself down by taking in a few deep breaths. “Just bring it to me as soon as it gets here.”

“Yes, Mr. President,” replied Rahm Emanuel without hesitation. “I’ll [BLEEP] you when I [BLEEP] got the [BLEEP] thing.”

Obama then began to pace the room with his hands behind his back.

Lost in a dreamlike state, Obama pauses by a shelf, staring at some photographs of him taken with the teleprompter in the early days of his presidency. Picking one up, he closes his eyes, clutches it to his chest and begins to sway his body as he slowly begins to dance around the Oval Office to the beat of his own pounding heart.

“Oh where did we go wrong?” said Obama to the photograph of the teleprompter he held cradled in his arms as he spun about the room. Now humming a well. “We had them eating out of our hands back then. I had a full metal jacket. I had a filibuster proof majority in both houses. I was ‘Iron Man’. No one could touch me. Except for those damn Republicans…I mean blue dogs.”

Suddenly Rahm Emanuel busted into the Oval Office with the teleprompter towed in on a dolly.

“Mr. President! Mr. President!” excitedly said the chief of staff, oblivious to Obama dancing in the room by himself, embracing a photograph in his arms. “It’s here! It’s here! The [BLEEP] teleprompter is [BLEEP] here!”

“Leave us alone. Will you, Rahm?” said a refocused Obama, almost beneath his breath, staring intently at the veiled teleprompter from across the room as he turned down the lights and popped in a music CD. “Oh. And you better cancel my appointments with Kim Jong-il, Ahmadinejad and that Area 51 reverse engineering progress report debriefing this afternoon as well. I’m going to need a couple of hours without any distractions.”

“Okay. [BLEEP] me,” said the chief of staff as he exited the Oval Office, being sure to hang a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the outer doorknob on his way out.

“Oh, baby, baby,” said Obama with a Barry White CD playing in the background as he slowly lifted up the veil covering the teleprompter. “It’s magic time…again.”

Copyright Ó 2008-2020 by Robert W. Armijo