By Robert W. Armijo
On this day in history, Hitler
once gave four and a half swastikas out of a possible five in his movie review
of The Wizard of Oz for the Hitler Youth Program.
Proclaiming it to be, “An
instant classic for children of the Hitler Youth Program and adult Nazis alike.”
However, much to the
disappointment to the children of the Hitler Youth Program, Hitler still bans
the movie from being shown in Nazi Germany just the same, even ordering the
negatives of the film to be burned as well and the ashes scattered at the
Russian front.
Explaining his actions to
the Hitler Youth Program during a weekly Q and A sit down session with Hitler
called, “Hot Coco and Strudel with Uncle Adolf”,
Hitler begins explaining his reasons simply enough by posing a series of rhetorical
question to the members of the Hitler Youth Program.
“Children, you may be
asking yourselves this morning ‘Why did Uncle Adolf give The Wizard of Oz four
and half swastikas just to ban and burn the movie?’ Well,
you see children…”
However, Hitler then delved
into a lengthy explanation about the movie being too character driven rather
than plot driven, which confused the children of the Hitler Youth Program even
more instead of clarifying it for them.
Hitler saw this confusion
reflected in their young faces and finally says to them, “Besides, children, the
movie was made in Hollywood. And as everybody knows sitting in this room, Hollywood
is controlled by the Jews.”
“Oooh,” collectively
exclaimed the children of the Hitler Youth Program.
“Outside of that, it may
well last as long as my one-thousand years Nazi regime,” said Hitler. “No. Not
really. I was just joking. Now, run along children. Remember, you have finals
next week, so be sure to practice your Goosestep Marching for Band 101, Sigh
Ail for Beginners and How to Tell if Your Neighbor is a Jew, Jehovah’s Witness or
Gentile Homosexual. If you fail, I’ll have you shot by Himmler or Goerbbels here.
No, just kidding. I’ll shoot you myself. No, not really. Just joking. What kind
of monster do you think I am? I’ll shoot your parents instead. No joking that
time. I will shoot them if you fail. And if you hate your parents or think being
an orphan will be fun. Try it at the Russian front! Now let’s see some
goose-stepping! You, there! Yes, you. The family Van Trapp kids. Higher! Higher!
Wait a minute. What are you kids still doing here? I thought I sent you to the Russian Front with your parents.”
And so it went on, this
day in history…Wait. That’s can’t be right…And so it went, on this day in
history…Much better.
Copyright (C) 2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Photo courtesy of wpclipart.com
No comments:
Post a Comment