Friday, March 4, 2011

Charlie Sheen's Secret Blood Transfusion with a Bengal Tiger in Bangladesh

Dr. Jajar's Tiger is still Recovering in Rehab
from the Charlie Sheen Blood Transfusion
Hollywood, California -

According to a doctor in Bangladesh, Charlie Sheen really has tiger blood running in his veins. "Actually he has Bengal Tiger blood in his veins. Trust me, I should know. I put it there," announced Dr. Ahmad Jajar, the medical director at a clinic specializing in elective surgery for Westerners, while wearing a neck brace at a press conference in the city of Dhaka.

According to Charlie Sheen, he flew to Bangladesh responding to, "An Interweb sex ad taunting the health benefits of Tiger Woods' blood"?

"I can personally attest to the benefits of tiger milk," said Dr. Jajar as he lifted up a glass bottle of tiger milk, inadvertently exposing an array of deep scars on his arm. "I milk mine daily."

Dr. Jajar says that Charlie Sheen came into his clinic last December demanding injections of tiger blood, which Mr. Sheen publicly claims is responsible for his invincibility against drug addiction and drug overdose.

Mr. Sheen stormed into Dr. Jajar's clinic, yelling at the top of his lungs, "Give me an injection of panthera tigris bengalensis hemoglobin STAT! Give me an injection of panthera tigris bengalensis hemoglobin STAT! For the love of Christ, give it to me now!"

"My staff and I attempted to explain to Mr. Sheen that there is no scientific evidence to establish such an outrageous claim. But it was useless," said Dr. Jajar, pausing to take a sip of tiger milk.

Charlie Sheen responded violently by grabbing the hypodermic syringe and injecting himself with the tiger blood.

"Then he garbed me by my neck and tossed me across the examination room," said Dr. Jajar.

Charlie Sheen then proceeded to break into the clinic’s pharmaceutical pantry and ingest several doses of narcotics and barbiturates.

"There was enough drugs in that dispensary to kill two hundred and a half men," said Dr. Jajar. "But the drugs had no effect on him."

Dr. Jajar attributes Charlie Sheen’s apparent immunity to drugs to the placebo effect.

"So long as he keeps up his tiger blood transfusions, Mr. Sheen should be fine," said Dr. Jajar.

Dr. Jajar notes, however, that Charlie Sheen is months overdo for his appointment.

"As soon as he realizes that he’s out of tiger blood, I’m afraid Mr. Sheen is in for a whole lot of hurt," said Dr. Jajar.

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:
http://www.wpclipart.com/animals/wild_cats/tiger/Bengal_Tiger.png

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