Saturday, May 7, 2016

Charlie Sheen’s Secret Blood Transfusion with a Bengal Tiger in Bangladesh Tests Positive for Feline "AIDS"


Dr. Jarjar tiger's test results are positive for feline AIDS
-- Dhaka, Bangladesh

By Robert W. Armijo

Dr. Jarjar of Dhaka, Bangladesh confirmed today that the tiger that movie star and TV actor Charlie Sheen had a blood transfusion with has tested positive for the feline immunodeficiency virus (FIV) or more commonly referred to as cat AIDS.

The blood transfusion had taken place at the doctor’s clinic in the People’s Republic of Bangladesh back in 2011 where human to tiger and tiger to human blood transfusions were still legal. Though they have since been outlawed, it is believe one can still buy tiger’s blood on the black market.  

In the media, Charlie Sheen often attributed his stamina to resist drug addiction due to his use of tiger blood. 

However, it is believed the tiger blood transfusion simply allowed Charlie Sheen to skip Rehab so he could continue to work without interruption. 

“Of course, the tiger was sent to Rehab instead,” said Dr. Jarjar. 

There the tiger spent a little over six months recovering from the Charlie Sheen blood transfusion. 

“I didn’t anticipate such a long recovery period,” said Dr. Jarjar. “Mr. Sheen’s blood had more chemical toxins than anyone realized.”

Last month, Dr. Jarjar began to notice the tiger had begun to lose weight.

Bengal_Tiger.jpeg
Dr. Jarjar's tiger just before weight loss,
stripes fell off and were replaced by spots. 
Dr. Jarjar's cause for concern only heightened when one day the tiger’s stripes fell off and spots appeared where the stripes once were.

Dr. Jarjar could not account for the weight loss, stripes falling off and the sudden appearance of spots were the stripes once were until he recalled reading an article in Variety

“It could have been The Hollywood Reporter,” said Dr. Jarjar. “I’m not sure.”

In that article, Dr. Jarjar recalled reading that Charlie Sheen had admitted to having contracted HIV.

“So I became spacious,” said Dr. Jarjar, who then conducted a blood test for feline AIDS on his tiger.

“The test came back positive,” said a visibly distressed Dr. Jarjar.

Dr. Jarjar has since conducted several more tests to rule out the possibility of a false positive. 

“Sadly, they all yielded the same result as the first,” said Dr. Jarjar with a slight tremor in his voice.  

Dr. Jarjar says he currently has no plans to take legal action against Charlie Sheen.  

However, he says he is not ruling anything out in the future.

Legal experts say it will not be an easy case to make as Dr. Jarjar will have first prove that it was Charlie Sheen who gave his tiger FIV and not anyone else. 

For now, Dr. Jarjar just wants to use his tiger’s illness as an occasion to educate people and bring awareness to the plight of felines infected with FIV.

“It’s all I can do for now,” said Dr. Jarjar, as he struggled to hold back tears. 

“Oh, and don’t forget to spay or neuter your cats," continued Dr. Jarjar. "It helps reduce the spread of FIV."

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot," added Dr. Jarjar at the last moment. "And I especially wouldn't give Charlie Sheen a blood transfusion from your cat, or even it’s milk, because I hear he’s into that now. If you do, you may live to regret it. Like me."


Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo(s) Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com

No comments: