Showing posts with label The Great Recession. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Great Recession. Show all posts

Top 10 Rose Parade Float Rejects for 2013

10) The Gov. Chris Christie Float – Just Chris sitting on a float, waving to a cheering crowd. 

9) The Penn State Homecoming Float of Shame Float – A giant mock-up of the childhood football board game made of a sheet of metal with magnet figurines that “move” about the field when the current is turned on. Except in this version, as the football players vibrate about the board, assistant coach, Jerry Sandusky, leaves the field to chase near naked boys in the shower with a rolled up wet towel. 

8) The Dick Clark DNA Float – Scientists dressed in their lab coats all still very busy running around trying to clone Dick Clark in time to host Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve 2013, while a giant clock strikes midnight…Oh well, maybe next year.  

7) The ♫Gangnam Style♫ Float – A float depicting Rose Parade float decorators (pedal pushers) dancing to the tune of ♫Gangnam Style♫ instead of gluing flowers to a float. In the background, the rusted metallic frame of an unfinished float. Later, the video goes viral and is awarded by Rose Parade judges the first-ever, Virtual Viral Float Award (rust qualifying as an all-natural material).   

6) The Gen. David Petraeus Tunnel of Love Float – Petraeus enters the tunnel of love as a General with his wife and mistress on both arms, but he exits all alone as a Private.   

5) The Re-Election of President Obama Float – The same “Hope and Change” campaign slogan float he first entered back in 2008. Only this time with the words “Change and Hope” switched places.  

4) The Fiscal Cliff Float – A yellow school minibus filled with members of Congress, the Senate and the White House. As they fight and throw spitballs at each other, the distracted driver (Ben Bernanke) begs them to sit down and behave, as he drives off the fiscal cliff.     

3) The Supreme Court Musical Chairs Float – While the theme song from the ‘Three Stooges’ plays in the background, Conservative Supreme Court Justice, John Roberts, attempts to switch chairs with the liberal justices on the bench before the music ends.

2) The Super Storm Sandy Float – Two palm trees swaying in the wind with the caption: “Better Hold on to Your Coconuts. It Looks Like We’re in for Quite a Blow Job.”  

1) The Great Recession Float – The same rag tag float running since 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012 and now…2013? 

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Obama Promises “New Speech” on Jobs in September, Instead of “New Deal” Now!

Washington, D.C. –

President Obama announced today that he is busy working on a new speech about jobs, which he will deliver to the nation this September. “Don’t despair America,” said Obama in a radio address concerning his new speech. “Help is on the way.”

According to a spokesman for the White House, Obama has called together the best speechwriters in the country.

“He is essentially assembling the greatest brain trust of orators this nation has ever heard,” read a statement released by the White House.

The president has even purchased a new rhyming dictionary.

“In fact, he’s gently breaking-in the spine now,” said a presidential aide.

Obama bought the new rhyming dictionary during his “Listing Tour” convoy through the Midwest.

“He insisted that the bus driver pullover to the side of the road when he saw a ‘Going Out of Business’ sign hanging in the window of a Borders bookstore,” continued the aide.

Obama even had the official White House photographer take his picture, documenting the historical purchase.

Standing in front of the ‘Going Out of Business’ sign with the new rhyming dictionary in hand, Obama posed stoically for the black and white Ansel Adams style photograph.

“I want you to take my picture in front of the ‘Going Out of Business – Everything 50% Off!’ sign,” said Obama, talking to the White House photographer. “I want you to capture my commitment to reduce the national debt by saving the tax payer money whenever I can.”

The White House photographer adjusted the leans of his camera and took the picture.

“Did you get it,” asked Obama of the White House photographer.

“Yeah, I got it,” replied the photographer. Then whispering beneath his breath to himself, he added. “But do you?”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of: