Showing posts with label Tweets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tweets. Show all posts

Rachel 'Becky' Roy Tweets Beyoncé

♫Say My Name. Say My Name. You Buba-Buba-Itch!♫

Copyright (c) 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Rachael ‘Becky’ Ray Tweets Beyoncé

        Rachael Ray: WTF?!

Copyright (C) 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Charlie Sheen’s ‘WINNING!’ Tweets Keeps Japanese Quake/Tsunami Victim Alive

Tokyo, Japan -

"I’m still trapped under the rubble of a 3rd story building, which was once my place of employment," calmly tweets Aki Hayashi, 39, a businessman from an unknown location somewhere in the disaster zone of lwate Prefecture in Northern Japan. That just suffered an 8.9-magantude earthquake and subsequent tsunami on Friday.

While waiting to be rescued, however, Aki passes the time following Charlie Sheen’s Twitter account updated hourly.

"If it wasn’t for Charlie’s inspirational texts," continued tweeting Aki from his entombment. "I’m certain I would have given up on being the first to be rescued long ago."

Aki and his fellow trapped co-workers have even started an office pool, wagering as to who will likely be rescued first among the group based on the celebrity they have chosen to follow on Twitter from their personal hellhole.

"I hate to say it, but the others have no chance," Aki tweeted as the rubble settles, shifting side-to-side and the water level begins to rise. "I will be the first one to be rescued because they have foolishly chosen to follow John Stamos and Rindsay Rohan."

Aki attributes his increased chances of being the first to be extracted from the debris, unlike that of his co-workers, to his keeping heart and choosing someone who is an actual celebrity, or at least is not about to be incarcerated.

"Charlie gives me hope," Aki texts, while holding his cell phone above his head, the water level now up to his chin. "Because he continues to cheat death and elude the authorities at every turn. And he will continue to do so for an indefinite period of time, or at least until I am rescued. That I am certain."

Aki claims that Charlie Sheen is his "Tiger Blood".

"I've never met him," Aki continued texting, spiting out mud and silt from his mouth. "But Charlie Sheen runs through my veins. And if I survive…What am I saying? I mean when I'm the first to be rescued, I will tweet that to him."

Suddenly, Aki gets an incoming text as the water level miraculously drops and a patch of blue sky is unearthed by a rescue worker overhead.

"See what I mean?" Aki says aloud to his co-workers in their adjacent sarcophagus-like chambers. The mud-stained smile on his face lit up by the light and message he reads off his cell phone screen, as a plastic bottle of water is lowered down to him on the end of a rope. "It’s from Charlie Sheen. He says: ‘WINNING!"

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Conan O’Brien Books ‘Big Stars’ on his ‘Twitter’ Show

Hollywood, California --

Not to be out booked by his chief competitor and airwave rival, Jay Leno, just because he does not have a late night TV show to call his home any more, Conan O’Brien has managed to attract top celebrities to his ‘Twitter’ show, which he conducts from a Potemkin Village like studio made of construction paper, cardboard cutouts and lawn furniture under a tree in his backyard – of course, he has failed to mention to his fans that follow him on ‘Twitter’ that they are all celebrity impersonators.

“Tonight my special guest is Robert De Niro of ‘Taxi Driver’ fame,” Tweeted Conan O’Brien to his fans. “That’s right. And he’ll be doing that ‘Are you talking to me’ routine from the movie too. Man, that just creeps me out every time I see that.”

As Conan O’Brien rises to his feet to greet his celebrity imposter he is shocked to see that is it the real Robert De Niro walking onto his makeshift set he has erected adjacent to his kid’s dollhouse, which doubled as the waiting guests’ green room.

“Wow!” said Conan O’Brien as he struggled to ‘Tweet’ and greet his famous guest at the same time. “You’re the real Robert De Niro, aren’t you? I’ mean, of course you are. Who else would you be? I mean have on my show, but the real actor? And not some cheap celebrity knockoff or something.”

“Yeah, it’s me, Bobby De Niro,” said Robert De Niro as he takes a seat on an aluminum lawn chair next to Conan O’Brien’s white plastic table, covered with colorful flower stickers of red, yellow and orange. “I heard you were in a little trouble…and it looks like I heard right.”

“Yeah…,” said Conan O’Brien stalling for time as he signals to his 12-year-old stage director, a neighborhood kid, to cut to a commercial break.

“But we don’t have any sponsors!” replies the stage director, removing a Popsicle from his mouth in order to speak.

“…about that,” continued Conan O’Brien his eyes fixed on a small shadowy figure that moved among the braches and leaves above his head. “Just a little trouble… here and there. You know how show businesses is.”

“You know, Conan,” said a serious sounding Robert De Niro looking directly into O’Brien’s eyes. “I once played a comedian talk show host in a movie with a setup similar to this but in a basement. He too was obsessed with – ”

Suddenly an acorn came flying out of the tree, striking Robert De Niro on the head.

“What in the hell was that?” said Robert De Niro looking from side to side before bending over to pickup an acorn nut from the ground.

“It’s that squirrel. It’s amazing,” said Conan O’Brien to Robert De Niro, both now looking up at the tree from their seats. “It’s like that Russian mystic, Rasputin. Rasputin incarnate. The thing just won’t die.”

“Have you tried rat poison,” said Robert De Niro, still attempting to get a peek at the squirrel from his lawn chair.

“Yeah, I even bought this pellet gun,” said Conan O’Brien, as he pulled out a BB-gun from its holster he wore under his coat.

“You mind if I give it a try,” said Robert De Niro as he strapped on Conan O’Brien’s pellet gun and holster to his chest.

Conan O’Brien tweeting away to his fans as fast as he could, “You guys won’t believe what Robert De Niro is doing in my backyard right now.”

As Robert De Niro walked up to the trunk of the tree, looking up, a vague little shadowy figure scurried high up to the treetop.

“See,” said a confident Robert De Niro waving his arms loosely about his side. “Just the sight of me headed in its direction was enough to scare it away.”

Suddenly, just as before an acorn nut came from seemingly out of nowhere striking Robert De Niro on the head again. In fact, hitting him in the exact same spot.

Robert De Niro, checking for blood with his hand, unbuttoned his jacket exposing the holstered pellet gun. Then looking back in Conan O’Brien's direction but not at him, he began to re-enact his famous scene from ‘Taxi Driver'.”

“Co-staring then child actress protégée, Jodie Foster,” tweeted Conan O’Brien from under the table.

“What? Are you talking to me?” said Robert De Niro addressing the squirrel as Conan O’Brien stopped twittering for a moment and the stage director’s Popsicle fell to the ground. “Are you throwing your nuts at me? I don’t see anybody else here but me.”

Suddenly, just as before again, except as if fired from a machine gun this time came a shower of acorn nuts, pelting Robert De Niro.

“Excuse me,” Tweeted Conan O’Brien. “I have go rescue my hero, Robert De Niro from a squirrel.”

Using the white plastic table as cover, Conan O’Brien and his adolescent stage director were able to reach Robert De Niro who was sprawled out under the tree under a pile of acorn nuts.

“Come with me if you want to live,” said Conan O’Brien, holding out his outstretched hand to a dazed and confused looking Robert De Niro.

“Maybe you’re just too close to the squirrel’s ‘Home Tree’ like in that James Cameron movie,” said a defeated Robert De Niro, suggesting that Conan O’Brien move his makeshift cardboard studio back a little away form the squirrel’s tree. “What do you say, Conan?”

Conan O’Brien, turning to his freckled faced stage director, said as he tweeted, “Looks like I should’ve went with my gut and booked that Joe Pesci celebrity impersonator instead.”

Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo