Showing posts with label Tiger’s Blood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tiger’s Blood. Show all posts

"Beverly Hills Cop" Called to Charlie Sheen’s House; Screams Reported

Beverly Hills, California –

A quiet suburb of Beverly Hills was suddenly awoken in the middle of the night by screams coming from Charlie Sheen’s house last night.

"We were all sound asleep," said Shirley Johnson, a neighbor who lives across the street from Charlie Sheen. "When we all heard Charlie scream out like he was dying or something."

Initially, everyone sat up in their beds, believing they were dreaming.

"I thought it was a nightmare," said another neighbor. "And I was right. Only it wasn’t me having the nightmare. It was Charlie."

According to the police incident report and 911 tapes, Charlie Sheen’s outbursts would occur intermittently in one-minute intervals with five-minute breaks in-between screams.

"Hold on a minute and you’ll hear it for yourself," said Mrs. Johnson to the 911 emergency operator, as she held her telephone outside her second story bedroom window.

A few seconds later came a bone-chilling scream: "Oh my God! I don’t have a job!"

"You see," said Mrs. Johnson to the 911 operator. "What did I tell you? You can set your watch to it."

Charlie Sheen’s screaming continued even after the police arrived.

"They were finally able to calmed him down by threatening to arrest him," said Mrs. Johnson. "Telling him that he was causing a disturbance."

"Mr. Sheen quickly regained his composure," said police. "So no arrest was necessary. In fact, he even yelled out an apology to his neighbors from his front lawn; waved goodbye to us before closing his door and shutting off his porch light."

Minutes later, Charlie Sheen’s sent out a text message to his fans: “OMG! i don’t have a J…O…B!”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Charlie Sheen’s ‘WINNING!’ Tweets Keeps Japanese Quake/Tsunami Victim Alive

Tokyo, Japan -

"I’m still trapped under the rubble of a 3rd story building, which was once my place of employment," calmly tweets Aki Hayashi, 39, a businessman from an unknown location somewhere in the disaster zone of lwate Prefecture in Northern Japan. That just suffered an 8.9-magantude earthquake and subsequent tsunami on Friday.

While waiting to be rescued, however, Aki passes the time following Charlie Sheen’s Twitter account updated hourly.

"If it wasn’t for Charlie’s inspirational texts," continued tweeting Aki from his entombment. "I’m certain I would have given up on being the first to be rescued long ago."

Aki and his fellow trapped co-workers have even started an office pool, wagering as to who will likely be rescued first among the group based on the celebrity they have chosen to follow on Twitter from their personal hellhole.

"I hate to say it, but the others have no chance," Aki tweeted as the rubble settles, shifting side-to-side and the water level begins to rise. "I will be the first one to be rescued because they have foolishly chosen to follow John Stamos and Rindsay Rohan."

Aki attributes his increased chances of being the first to be extracted from the debris, unlike that of his co-workers, to his keeping heart and choosing someone who is an actual celebrity, or at least is not about to be incarcerated.

"Charlie gives me hope," Aki texts, while holding his cell phone above his head, the water level now up to his chin. "Because he continues to cheat death and elude the authorities at every turn. And he will continue to do so for an indefinite period of time, or at least until I am rescued. That I am certain."

Aki claims that Charlie Sheen is his "Tiger Blood".

"I've never met him," Aki continued texting, spiting out mud and silt from his mouth. "But Charlie Sheen runs through my veins. And if I survive…What am I saying? I mean when I'm the first to be rescued, I will tweet that to him."

Suddenly, Aki gets an incoming text as the water level miraculously drops and a patch of blue sky is unearthed by a rescue worker overhead.

"See what I mean?" Aki says aloud to his co-workers in their adjacent sarcophagus-like chambers. The mud-stained smile on his face lit up by the light and message he reads off his cell phone screen, as a plastic bottle of water is lowered down to him on the end of a rope. "It’s from Charlie Sheen. He says: ‘WINNING!"

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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