Showing posts with label Royal visit to L.A.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Royal visit to L.A.. Show all posts

Duke William Mispronounces Skid ‘Rōw’, Skid ‘Raů’

Skid Row, Los Angeles --

In a shocking display of just what the best education a pedigree can buy one this days, Duke Williams of Wales shocked Anglophiles (and anyone with a high school degree) everywhere when he mispronounced the Los Angeles Inter-City poverty stricken district known as: skid "row" (noun). Instead he repeatedly called it: skid "row" (intransitive verb).

“His supremacy was very tired at the time,” later explained a spokesman for the Duke. “He merely misspoke due to travel fatigue.”

Whether it as exhaustion or not, no one for the Duke could explain his seemingly failure to grasp the meaning of the word "row", which means street or way. From "row", quite the counterpart distinction from one of its alternate definitions he was using, which means to quarrel or fight.

“Listen,” said the spokesman for the Duke. “William is sometimes not all together himself. After all he’s not just a Duke, but a flyboy as well. And how they do love to mix it up from time to time.”

Recovered confiscated video news footage of the Duke’s speech at the Inter-City facility clearly show he was actively encouraging winos, hobos and the homeless to fight each other.

“Now that’s simply not true,” insisted the Duke’s spokesman, before having been shown the video and later making a retraction in the same breath. “Well, okay…So maybe he did egg them on a bit. But in the Duke’s defense, he was touring the homeless shelter’s gymnasium at the time. Besides no one was seriously injured…well, unless you count the old chap that took a metal folding chair to the head from the Duke. But when the old chap finally awakens from his coma, I’m certain he will enjoy the shinny new sixpence he won for a trophy.”

Ending footage from the recovered confiscated news video shows a smiling Duke in hospital, standing bedside shaking the unconscious man’s hand, while an assistant to the royal applies a sixpence to the homeless man’s forehead with some adhesive tape.

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Kate to Kids of Skid Row: Keep Kissing Those Frogs Kids

Los Angeles, California –

“Keep kissing those frogs kids,” said Duchess Kate to a room packed with disadvantaged kids on skid row. “One of them just has to be your prince...”

The Duchess then went on to explain to the children of skid row the seriousness of their situation. And the near absolute zero possibility of their ever escaping the cycle of poverty, mental illness and drug abuse that got them there in the first place.

“Look around you,” said the Duchess. “No really. Take a good look around you. Go on. Do it now.”

As the children looked around the room lined wall to wall with the sorriest looking parents in the world for the first time, they realized the reason why they were among the poorest of the poor and they began to cry.

“No, no. Don’t cry,” said the Duchess. “It wasn’t my intention to make you cry. Only to be frank with you and give you a message of hope for the future. And you do all have a future.”

The Duchess Kate then signaled for her servants to bring in several large metal containers.

Soon the children forgot their tears as they gathered around the shiny metal boxes, their faces all lit up with curiosity for what was waiting for them inside.

“I bet you it’s a million dollars,” said one child.

“I just hope its food or clothes. Books even,” said another.

“Maybe…maybe its my daddy back from Iraq,” said a little girl, clutching a rag doll.

Giving another signal to her servants to lift the lids off the containers simultaneously, the Duchess ended all speculation.

All the children took a step back, reluctant to peer into the containers and end their curiosity for fear it would not meet their expectations, having been disappointed so many times in the past by other so-called do-gooders.

“Go on. Take a look,” said the Duchess Kate.

Finally, the little girl with the rag doll stepped forward and looked into the container.

“It's full of frogs,” said the little girl as she dropped her rag doll to reach down and pull out a frog.

“That’s right,” said the Duchess. “Frogs for you to kiss and find your prince like I found mine.”

All at once all the children rushed the containers and began pulling out frogs, kissing each and everyone on of them before discarding them to the floor where they contributed to the chaos and pandemonium by hopping all around and in-between the children’s’ feet.

The Duchess Kate even picked up several frogs herself, holding them up for kids to kiss.

“Nope,” said the Duchess. “That one is definitely not a prince. Try another.”

Soon a servant leaned over and whispered to the Duchess that it was time to depart. As the Duchess stood up to leave, she shouted a few words of encouragement.

“Keep kissing those frogs kids,” said Duchess Kate to a room packed with disadvantaged kids on skid row. “One of them just has to be your prince…or he owes you a dinner tonight.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Will and Kate Release 3-Day L.A. Whirlwind Tour on Commemorative Saucer (Not Plate)

Los Angeles, California --

Not since The Lakers had to cover the expense for their own parade out-of-pocket when they last won the NBA championship a couple of years back has a communal celebrated event swept so fast through the streets of Los Angeles, as this weekend’s visit from the royal couple: Will and Kate.

As if set to the music from the end credits of ‘The Benny Hill Show’ all sped up, Will and Kate (much like the abbreviated versions of their names) toured L.A. (much like our beloved city’s call letters) on the illegal drug, “Speed”.

“Sorry,” apologized a spokesman for the royal couple. “There just wasn’t enough time spent in L.A. to commit to the casting of a commemorative plate. So a commemorative saucer will have to be commissioned instead and will have to do. Enjoy.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Duchess Kate Wears ‘Pretty Woman’ Dress to Polo Match

Santa Barbara, California –

Wearing the very same sleeveless brown dress with white polka dots and matching white gloves and hat from the movie Pretty Woman, Duchess Kate walked the Polo grounds as guests of the royal affair just looked on with whispers, nervous coughs and dropped jaws.

“Oh my lord!” one heavyset woman finally cried out, as she held up her eyeglasses attached to a diamond studded handle, giving the Duchess the once over.

“You called?” interrupted Duke William on horseback.

“No, no,” said the stuffy woman. “You misunderstand me, my dear Duke. It’s your wife, the Duchess. She’s wearing the same dress as that, that prostitute wore in the movie, Pretty Woman.”

“Are you suggesting my wife dresses like a woman of ill repute?” said an angry Duke.

“No. My dear Duke,” replied the elderly woman. “It’s much more worse than that. The Duchess is wearing a dress that Julia Roberts already wore.”

“Yes,” said the Duke. “I see your point. I’ll have her change immediately.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.