Showing posts with label Balloon Boy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Balloon Boy. Show all posts

‘Balloon Boy’ Escapes Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Route

New York, New York --

It was supposed to be a healing moment for the nation but tragedy struck twice instead as the Balloon Boy once again held hostage our collective attention when during its debut in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade today, the flying saucer shaped helium filled figurine broke free of its tethers on live TV and floated away.

With even many more cameras and eyes watching back home than before, it was, however, the people lined along the parade route that watched with mouths opened, struck silent in total disbelief that were most traumatized, and most for the second time.

As the Balloon Boy drama continued to play out before them seemingly in slow motion, the crowd looked on helplessly as ever as the Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon handlers struggled to hold on to the giant flying saucer shaped helium filled figurine, only to lose control of it in the end when the lighter than air aircraft took flight on a gust of wind with the hearts and minds of a nation on aboard again.

“No! Not again!” screamed one woman in a state of hysteria as she ran the entire length of the parade route, ripping her clothing from her body along the way.

Later, police were able to able to subdue the hysterical woman, taking her into custody. Unfortunately, not without resorting to their batons first. Then their taser guns, second. Teargas third, before finally having to call in a SWAT team to take her down.

“Good news, though,” said parade officials of the single pregnant mother of three children. “She’s expected to make a quick recovery.”

All along the parade route increased police action was required as they responded to a wave of 911 cell phone calls from panicking parents unable to locate their children, fearing that their child had somehow climbed on aboard the Macy’ Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloon Boy Mylar UFO balloon craft and floated away.

“Chaos rapidly descended along with the other parade balloons,” said police, as parents began attacking the festive floating figurines and their handlers, flooding into the parade route calling out for their lost children.

Police responded by declaring the parade an unlawful assembly over their bullhorns.

“Even as police put on their riot gear, parents refused to disperse,” said one eyewitness who barely escaped with his life.

Instead parents continue to wonder and loiter about with fingers pointed to the sky, as every parent believed their child was aboard the wayward aircraft that floated high above the New York City skyline. Unfortunately, drifting into restricted airspace.

“Looking back now,” later reflected a spokesman for the Macy’s department store that originally sponsored the annual tradition to boost Christmas sales, as a squadron of fighter jets circled above and the crowd let out a collective scream. “Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to enter the Balloon Boy balloon into the parade route this year…maybe it was just too soon.”

Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo

Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Picks ‘Balloon Boy’ Helium Filled Figurine As Its Centerpiece

New York, New York --

In the midst of our nation’s healing from the collective trauma we suffered at the hands of the Heene family, when we were all duped into believing their 6-year-old son, Falcon, was a stowaway aboard a homemade run away experimental aircraft, Macy’s ‘Thanksgiving’ parade planners have decided to add to the levity by taking a moment to address a serious topic: Mylar flying saucer shaped balloon parental abduction.

Macy parade planners consider what they are doing as a public service.

“It’s a giant floating PSA spot really,” said Helen Ryan, spokesman for the Macy’s ‘Thanksgiving’ Parade. “Letting the children know they have options.”

Options like letting children know that it is okay to say no to their parents, especially when they ask them to crawl into a flying saucer shaped Mylar balloon. Or go up in the attic above the garage and hid in a cardboard box for a couple hours from authorities for a poorly thought-out and executed publicity stunt to get a reality TV show of their own.

Mrs. Ryan went on to quote the statistics behind parental balloon abduction, justifying her decision to have the ‘Balloon Boy’ in this year’s Marcy’s Thanksgiving parade.

“This year, so far, there has been just the one case,” acknowledged Mrs. Ryan. ”But we are expecting at least one more like it to occur in our lifetime.”

However, in all this, we must not lose sight of what ‘Thanksgiving’ is all about, insists Mrs. Ryan.

“Thanksgiving’ should be a time when we bring the family altogether and count our blessings,” continued Mrs. Ryan. “And this year, we can all be thankful that we’re not an adolescent member of the Heene household…Oh yeah, and not only for the safe return of Little Falcon, but especially for his throwing up, not once but twice, on national TV, but also for his managing to spill the beans in the process as well.”

Below the giant helium filled ‘Balloon Boy’ figurine will be a float carrying the emergency rescuers that responded to the balloon boy 911 call, as well as the parents of Falcon Heene behind bars in effigy.

Copyright© 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo

Balloon Boy Hoax Planned by Dad Since Son’s Birth?

Fort Collins, Colorado --

Police are seriously entertaining the theory that the Colorado balloon boy hoax was planned since the birth of the child at the center of the windstorm. Birth certificate documentation found at the Heene family residence reveals that several names were considered for the alleged airborne child, all crossed out, which was the first clue for police.

“Millennium Falcon, Cosmos and Yob were among many names that were crossed out on the hospital birth certificate application,” said police.

Home videos sized from the household also seems to support the police theory of a father obsessed with measuring his son’s physical dimensions in preparation for his voyage flight.

Allegedly they show Richard Heene measuring his son several times daily throughout the years.

“We haven’t reviewed all the videos yet,” said police. ”However, of those that we have seen clearly show a father overly concerned with the boy’s weight and height.”

Police say Mr. Heene is recorded on video constantly weighing his son on the bathroom scale, tossing him high in the air and feeding him a special diet rich in whole grains, high protein and low carbohydrates.

“Mr. Heene would even sneak up on the boy and when he wasn’t looking, measured him,” said police. “Even while the boy was asleep, Mr. Heene could be seen on video pulling off the covers and pulling out a measuring tape to size up the boy.”

Police also took into custody the side of a doorway at the family residence where the balloon boy’s height was meticulously recorded several times daily, while cries from the other two boys to be measured as well were virtually ignored.

“Look at me dad! I’m growing too! Measure me! Measure me!” say the boys on the video.

“It all looks harmless enough,” said police. “Until the balloon boy reached the height and weight of an average and a height and weight of 6-year-old boy.”

Police say engraved in the wood just above the last height measurement taken, the day hoax was perpetrated, was a crude drawing of a “flying saucer” and the words written above it: “Time for the Money Shot!”

Fortunately for the balloon boy, his father was not much of an engineer.

“No way that thing was built for a 6-year-old boy,” said police. “A 6-month-old, sure. No problem.”

Police are currently searching for any additional Heene family birth certificates in the hall of record from adjacent counties and states.

Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo