Fort Collins, Colorado --Police are seriously entertaining the theory that the Colorado balloon boy hoax was planned since the birth of the child at the center of the windstorm. Birth certificate documentation found at the Heene family residence reveals that several names were considered for the alleged airborne child, all crossed out, which was the first clue for police.
“Millennium Falcon, Cosmos and Yob were among many names that were crossed out on the hospital birth certificate application,” said police.
Home videos sized from the household also seems to support the police theory of a father obsessed with measuring his son’s physical dimensions in preparation for his voyage flight.
Allegedly they show Richard Heene measuring his son several times daily throughout the years.
“We haven’t reviewed all the videos yet,” said police. ”However, of those that we have seen clearly show a father overly concerned with the boy’s weight and height.”
Police say Mr. Heene is recorded on video constantly weighing his son on the bathroom scale, tossing him high in the air and feeding him a special diet rich in whole grains, high protein and low carbohydrates.
“Mr. Heene would even sneak up on the boy and when he wasn’t looking, measured him,” said police. “Even while the boy was asleep, Mr. Heene could be seen on video pulling off the covers and pulling out a measuring tape to size up the boy.”
Police also took into custody the side of a doorway at the family residence where the balloon boy’s height was meticulously recorded several times daily, while cries from the other two boys to be measured as well were virtually ignored.
“Look at me dad! I’m growing too! Measure me! Measure me!” say the boys on the video.
“It all looks harmless enough,” said police. “Until the balloon boy reached the height and weight of an average and a height and weight of 6-year-old boy.”
Police say engraved in the wood just above the last height measurement taken, the day hoax was perpetrated, was a crude drawing of a “flying saucer” and the words written above it: “Time for the Money Shot!”
Fortunately for the balloon boy, his father was not much of an engineer.
“No way that thing was built for a 6-year-old boy,” said police. “A 6-month-old, sure. No problem.”
Police are currently searching for any additional Heene family birth certificates in the hall of record from adjacent counties and states.
Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo
