‘Ghostbusters’ Attack Giant ‘Pillsbury Doughboy’ at Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

New York, New York --

The ‘Pillsbury Doughboy’ balloon debut ended in tragedy today at Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade as four men identifying themselves as the ‘Ghostbusters’ terrorist gang made an unscheduled appearance, attacking the giant gaseous nonporous bag with nuclear fusion reactors strapped to their backs, causing the balloon to explode in milliseconds.

Fortunately, the unprovoked assault took place once the parade was over sparing thousands of parade spectators and millions of TV viewers at home the violence. However, eyewitnesses of the incident did state the encounter was brief.

“The second those Ghostbusters let loose with their nuclear fusion reactors, it was over,” said one of the ‘Pillsbury Doughboy’ balloon handlers that was holding on to a tether at the time of the assault, suffering extensive ear damage. “What? Did you say something to me?”

Arrested at the scene of the crime were: Dr. Peter Venkman, Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler and some Black dude [Winston Zeddmore].

At least two of the ‘Ghostbuster’ terrorist gang of four are suspected to be members of a sleeper terrorist cell leftover from the 1970s, belonging to a scripted comedy late night TV show known simply by the initials ‘SNL’, which authorities have yet to identify.

“They didn’t simply commit an act of vandalism,” said the office of the New York District Attorney. “By consciously using an unlicensed and unregistered nuclear powered device within the State of New York, the so-called ‘Ghostbusters’ terrorist gang endangered the lives of us all.”

“Can I have a little powwow with the mayor about this?” reportedly requested Dr. Peter Venkman, the suspected leader of the terrorist cell, as he was being lead away by police and his equipment impounded. “I want to hand him the bill for this job in person. What, you’re arresting me? Now what kind of way is that to show your gratitude? I just saved New York City, again. A simple thank you would have sufficed. Now, come on guys. I’m not fooling around. Take these the handcuffs off me and lets talk this out, okay? Oh, listen man. I’d be very careful handling that if I were you. It might ex –"



Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo

‘Balloon Boy’ Escapes Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Route

New York, New York --

It was supposed to be a healing moment for the nation but tragedy struck twice instead as the Balloon Boy once again held hostage our collective attention when during its debut in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade today, the flying saucer shaped helium filled figurine broke free of its tethers on live TV and floated away.

With even many more cameras and eyes watching back home than before, it was, however, the people lined along the parade route that watched with mouths opened, struck silent in total disbelief that were most traumatized, and most for the second time.

As the Balloon Boy drama continued to play out before them seemingly in slow motion, the crowd looked on helplessly as ever as the Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon handlers struggled to hold on to the giant flying saucer shaped helium filled figurine, only to lose control of it in the end when the lighter than air aircraft took flight on a gust of wind with the hearts and minds of a nation on aboard again.

“No! Not again!” screamed one woman in a state of hysteria as she ran the entire length of the parade route, ripping her clothing from her body along the way.

Later, police were able to able to subdue the hysterical woman, taking her into custody. Unfortunately, not without resorting to their batons first. Then their taser guns, second. Teargas third, before finally having to call in a SWAT team to take her down.

“Good news, though,” said parade officials of the single pregnant mother of three children. “She’s expected to make a quick recovery.”

All along the parade route increased police action was required as they responded to a wave of 911 cell phone calls from panicking parents unable to locate their children, fearing that their child had somehow climbed on aboard the Macy’ Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloon Boy Mylar UFO balloon craft and floated away.

“Chaos rapidly descended along with the other parade balloons,” said police, as parents began attacking the festive floating figurines and their handlers, flooding into the parade route calling out for their lost children.

Police responded by declaring the parade an unlawful assembly over their bullhorns.

“Even as police put on their riot gear, parents refused to disperse,” said one eyewitness who barely escaped with his life.

Instead parents continue to wonder and loiter about with fingers pointed to the sky, as every parent believed their child was aboard the wayward aircraft that floated high above the New York City skyline. Unfortunately, drifting into restricted airspace.

“Looking back now,” later reflected a spokesman for the Macy’s department store that originally sponsored the annual tradition to boost Christmas sales, as a squadron of fighter jets circled above and the crowd let out a collective scream. “Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to enter the Balloon Boy balloon into the parade route this year…maybe it was just too soon.”



Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo

Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Picks ‘Balloon Boy’ Helium Filled Figurine As Its Centerpiece

New York, New York --

In the midst of our nation’s healing from the collective trauma we suffered at the hands of the Heene family, when we were all duped into believing their 6-year-old son, Falcon, was a stowaway aboard a homemade run away experimental aircraft, Macy’s ‘Thanksgiving’ parade planners have decided to add to the levity by taking a moment to address a serious topic: Mylar flying saucer shaped balloon parental abduction.

Macy parade planners consider what they are doing as a public service.

“It’s a giant floating PSA spot really,” said Helen Ryan, spokesman for the Macy’s ‘Thanksgiving’ Parade. “Letting the children know they have options.”

Options like letting children know that it is okay to say no to their parents, especially when they ask them to crawl into a flying saucer shaped Mylar balloon. Or go up in the attic above the garage and hid in a cardboard box for a couple hours from authorities for a poorly thought-out and executed publicity stunt to get a reality TV show of their own.

Mrs. Ryan went on to quote the statistics behind parental balloon abduction, justifying her decision to have the ‘Balloon Boy’ in this year’s Marcy’s Thanksgiving parade.

“This year, so far, there has been just the one case,” acknowledged Mrs. Ryan. ”But we are expecting at least one more like it to occur in our lifetime.”

However, in all this, we must not lose sight of what ‘Thanksgiving’ is all about, insists Mrs. Ryan.

“Thanksgiving’ should be a time when we bring the family altogether and count our blessings,” continued Mrs. Ryan. “And this year, we can all be thankful that we’re not an adolescent member of the Heene household…Oh yeah, and not only for the safe return of Little Falcon, but especially for his throwing up, not once but twice, on national TV, but also for his managing to spill the beans in the process as well.”

Below the giant helium filled ‘Balloon Boy’ figurine will be a float carrying the emergency rescuers that responded to the balloon boy 911 call, as well as the parents of Falcon Heene behind bars in effigy.


Copyright© 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo