Friday, December 16, 2011

UFO Spotted Over Mercury?

Griffith Park Observatory, Hollywood --

NASA has denied that the image it released last week of a UFO appearing in the background hovering over Mercury during a solar flare is the same one pictured here (photo left). Reportedly, dismissing the photograph of the alleged extraterrestrial vehicle as an anomaly instead, if not an outright fraud.

Moreover, another independent photograph of the same celestial object has recently surfaced, which seems to both confirm and contradict the official story.

Much to the delight of UFO conspiracy theorist, however, it is from a somewhat more controversial source.

“See how the solar flare shoots across the night sky,” said Professor of Astronomy and Physics, Albert Wayne of the Griffith Park Observatory at a press conference. “Looks like an arm in a yellow Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band jacket, doesn’t it?…Or so I was told by my assistant.”

“He was blinded at birth,” explained Professor of Astrophysics, John Henderson, friend and colleague of Professor Wayne. “Sadly, the result of staring into a heating lamp for too long. So I guess you could say, Professor Albert Wayne has always been attracted to bright shining things hanging overhead.”

“As you can see here…Because, I can’t!” said Professor Albert Wayne, continuing with his press conference. “But I’m not bitter. Nope. Not me.”

Professor Henderson approached Professor Wayne, whispering something in his ear.

“What?! That [BLEEP]! She’s ruined me!” yelled Professor Wayne, evidently reacting to the news of the Mercury UFO photo having been switched for the one of Freddie Mercury of the 1980s rock band Queen.

Professor Henderson stepped in to address the press conference.

“Perhaps we should postpone this press conference for another day,” said Prof. Henderson. “Professor Wayne’s assistant quit on him this morning. And she appears to have done so under less than ideal circumstances.”

“No!” yelled out Prof. Wayne. “I want to go on. The show must go on.”

Professor Henderson reluctantly relinquished the press conference back to his colleague and friend.

Professor Wayne slowly lifted his head from the table. His hands fumbling around the surface of it, until he felt some papers to shuffle and straighten. Then holding them out before him, as if to be reading from them, he cleared his voice and continued with his press conference.

“If you will notice, only a solar discharge of a significant size could have jettison enough ions so far reaching into space as to generate a massive Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP) in the process. As you know, such a powerful EMP would not only be strong enough to disable all electronic devices on earth, if it were able to reach it. But even that of the advanced technology of extraterrestrials as well. With its cloaking device disabled, the extraterrestrial spacecraft became visible to us back here on earth,” said Professor Wayne.

In admiration for the sightless astronomer, the audience rose to their feet and began applauding.

Professor Henderson once again rushed to Professor Wayne’s side. Once more he whispered into his colleague and friend’s ear.

“They’re applauding you, Albert,” said Professor Henderson, wiping away a tear.

“Please,” said Prof. Wayne as he quieted down the audience. “Please, allow me to continue...As I was saying, an EMP…An EMP? Let me tell you about EMP’s…”

“Oh no,” said Professor Henderson, throwing his face into his hands. “Here we go again.”

“EMP’s are a lot like cops,” continued Prof. Wayne, once again resuming his self-loathing pose. “There’s never one around when you need ‘em…Where in the hell was my EMP when I needed one? Huh, God? Where?”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:
www.wpclipart.com/famous/Entertainers/musicians/Freddie_Mercury.png.html

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