Showing posts with label Tigers Blood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tigers Blood. Show all posts

"Beverly Hills Cop" Called to Charlie Sheen’s House; Screams Reported

Beverly Hills, California –

A quiet suburb of Beverly Hills was suddenly awoken in the middle of the night by screams coming from Charlie Sheen’s house last night.

"We were all sound asleep," said Shirley Johnson, a neighbor who lives across the street from Charlie Sheen. "When we all heard Charlie scream out like he was dying or something."

Initially, everyone sat up in their beds, believing they were dreaming.

"I thought it was a nightmare," said another neighbor. "And I was right. Only it wasn’t me having the nightmare. It was Charlie."

According to the police incident report and 911 tapes, Charlie Sheen’s outbursts would occur intermittently in one-minute intervals with five-minute breaks in-between screams.

"Hold on a minute and you’ll hear it for yourself," said Mrs. Johnson to the 911 emergency operator, as she held her telephone outside her second story bedroom window.

A few seconds later came a bone-chilling scream: "Oh my God! I don’t have a job!"

"You see," said Mrs. Johnson to the 911 operator. "What did I tell you? You can set your watch to it."

Charlie Sheen’s screaming continued even after the police arrived.

"They were finally able to calmed him down by threatening to arrest him," said Mrs. Johnson. "Telling him that he was causing a disturbance."

"Mr. Sheen quickly regained his composure," said police. "So no arrest was necessary. In fact, he even yelled out an apology to his neighbors from his front lawn; waved goodbye to us before closing his door and shutting off his porch light."

Minutes later, Charlie Sheen’s sent out a text message to his fans: “OMG! i don’t have a J…O…B!”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Charlie Sheen Retools 'Torpedo of Truth Tour' with Canned Laughter

Charlie’s Goddesses
"Buzy" “Retooling”?

New York, New York --

After being booed in Detroit last Saturday night, Charlie Sheen came prepared to his Chicago and New York gigs. This time bringing a little Hollywood magic to the stage: canned laughter.

"Not only that," said a stagehand on the tour. "Charlie hired one of the sound engineers from his show ‘Two and a Half Men’ to make some special modifications to it."

The device known in the TV industry as canned laughter (a simple recording of people laughing) has become an industry standard, queuing viewing audiences watching at home when to laugh. However, that was not enough for Charlie Sheen.

"He ordered the sound engineer to rig the canned laughter machine not only to drown out boos and catcalls," said the stagehand. "But to convert them into laughter."

"I just don’t get it," said Todd Johnson, 37. "All my friends and me were booing the whole time."

And the more Todd and his friends booed, the louder the laughter came from the crowd.

Finally, Todd and his friends gave up and waited out the show. Too afraid their walkout would anger the audience.

"Judging from the audience’s reaction last night," said Charlie Sheen in his typical arrogant manner at a press conference after the show in Chicago. "I’d say last night’s performance was f---king WINNING!!! Wouldn’t you? Loser! What? You’re not laughing? Wait, I can fix that. Hey, you in the back! Queue the God [BLEEP] machine, would you!"

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.