Showing posts with label The Royal family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Royal family. Show all posts

Baby Prince George Attends First “Playdate” (A.K.A. Pox Party) in New Zealand

Auckland, New Zealand --

“The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge sent out royal invitations to the parents of children with known communicable and highly contagious diseases,” said a spokesman for the royal couple.  

The pox party is considered politically incorrect so it has recently acquired the euphemistic term “playdate” among parents still believing in the alleged immune building practice.

The practice of gathering children in large groups for the purpose of exposing them to disease in order to build up their immunity dates back to the Middle Ages.

“That’s when in the first documented case ever,” said Professor Harold Johnson, a historian. “The parents in the town of Yorkshire, England rounded up all the children in the village and subjected them to various trials and tribulations in order to determine if any of them were possessed by the devil.” 

Amazingly nearly half of the children of the town of Yorkshire were determined to be either warlocks or witches. 

“Somewhat of a statistical improbability,” said the historian. “Although still falling within the realm of possibility.”

An ancient woodcarving from the time survived, serving now as a silent witness to the incident.

“As you can clearly see,” said the historian, referring to the woodcarving. “The children were thrown down a well.” 

The children that did not drown and managed to crawl out of the well were immediately seized by the adults and burned at the stake for practicing the black arts. 

“Only the guilty were burned,” said the historian. “The innocent drowned.”

The children who did survive the ordeal did so by remaining in the well, hiding there for days. 

“Finally sneaking out under the cover of darkness, the remaining children fled to safety,” said the historian.

Professor Johnson believes this incident and others like it that began spreading throughout Europe is what actually inspired the Children’s Crusade of 1212 and possibly, the tradition of children falling down wells as well.

“The children must have figured they had a better chance of surviving an armed conflict for control of the trade routes to the Far East or the Holy Land than they did a well drowning or funeral pyre back at home,” said the historian. 

“Eventually, the practice evolved into pox parties or so-called ‘playdates’ of today,” the professor added.

“Whether or not one agrees with the practice of pox parties or the use of forward-facing baby car seats to that of the safer rear-facing ones for infant children under 24 months of age,” said a spokesman for the royal pair. “The Duke is merely carrying on with tradition.”

The Duke himself was exposed to various childhood diseases when his mother and father visited New Zealand, arranging then for his first ‘playdate’ some 30 years ago.

“I think it’s simply wonderful,” said Martha Smith, a 32-year-old New Zealander who attended both the Duke’s first playdate and now Prince George’s as well but as a mother. 

“This playdate,” continued Smith. “And the other one as well is just the Duke's way of drawing closer to us commoners. That he is. That he is. Sharing in the suffering of our filthy diseases, pestilence and plagues. I just wish he'd use a rear-facing baby car seat. At least while he’s in New Zealand. God save the Queen!”

Copyright © 2008-2014 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Will Failed to Release Handbrake; Kate Activated Car Ejection Seat, Launching Herself into Wild Blue Yonder

London, England –

It was disclosed today about the royal family that Duke William was so nervous on his wedding day that when he drove away from Buckingham Palace with Duchess Catherine in his father’s prized Aston Martin with the top down, he did so with the handbrake still up. Well, that was not the only automotive mishap made that day.

“The car is especially equipped with an array of both defensive and offensive security accoutrements,” explained, Jonathan Burke, a former security consultant to the royal family. “And though I am not at liberty to disclose their particular nature, I am authorized to say they are not standard in factory rollout models.”

Later, while driving along in the English countryside, Kate was so excited she began to jump up and down, dancing in her car seat. And while reaching to turn up the car radio, she accidentally activated one of those security accoutrements.

“She pressed the bloody ejection button,” Will allegedly told friends. “Good thing the car top was down, though.”

That is when the Duke’s military training as a helicopter pilot came in handy as he quickly calculated the trajectory of his new bride, maneuvering the Aston Martin underneath her to ensure her a soft landing.

“She was headed due south as the raven flies when I caught up with her,” William explained.

Once the Duchess was safely returned to her car seat, she hugged and kissed the Duke, thanking him profusely for saving her life.

“Promise me our marriage will always be this exciting,” the Duchess reportedly said to her Duke.

“I promise,” William allegedly replied, hugging and kissing Kate right back. And then admonished, “Now, before we get to the Tower of London, I must warn you. There are certain items you ought not to touch.”

“Hold on, love,” said Kate as she reached for the car radio to turn it down. “I can’t hear youuuu!!!”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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