Showing posts with label Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Show all posts

Baby Prince George Attends First “Playdate” (A.K.A. Pox Party) in New Zealand

Auckland, New Zealand --

“The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge sent out royal invitations to the parents of children with known communicable and highly contagious diseases,” said a spokesman for the royal couple.  

The pox party is considered politically incorrect so it has recently acquired the euphemistic term “playdate” among parents still believing in the alleged immune building practice.

The practice of gathering children in large groups for the purpose of exposing them to disease in order to build up their immunity dates back to the Middle Ages.

“That’s when in the first documented case ever,” said Professor Harold Johnson, a historian. “The parents in the town of Yorkshire, England rounded up all the children in the village and subjected them to various trials and tribulations in order to determine if any of them were possessed by the devil.” 

Amazingly nearly half of the children of the town of Yorkshire were determined to be either warlocks or witches. 

“Somewhat of a statistical improbability,” said the historian. “Although still falling within the realm of possibility.”

An ancient woodcarving from the time survived, serving now as a silent witness to the incident.

“As you can clearly see,” said the historian, referring to the woodcarving. “The children were thrown down a well.” 

The children that did not drown and managed to crawl out of the well were immediately seized by the adults and burned at the stake for practicing the black arts. 

“Only the guilty were burned,” said the historian. “The innocent drowned.”

The children who did survive the ordeal did so by remaining in the well, hiding there for days. 

“Finally sneaking out under the cover of darkness, the remaining children fled to safety,” said the historian.

Professor Johnson believes this incident and others like it that began spreading throughout Europe is what actually inspired the Children’s Crusade of 1212 and possibly, the tradition of children falling down wells as well.

“The children must have figured they had a better chance of surviving an armed conflict for control of the trade routes to the Far East or the Holy Land than they did a well drowning or funeral pyre back at home,” said the historian. 

“Eventually, the practice evolved into pox parties or so-called ‘playdates’ of today,” the professor added.

“Whether or not one agrees with the practice of pox parties or the use of forward-facing baby car seats to that of the safer rear-facing ones for infant children under 24 months of age,” said a spokesman for the royal pair. “The Duke is merely carrying on with tradition.”

The Duke himself was exposed to various childhood diseases when his mother and father visited New Zealand, arranging then for his first ‘playdate’ some 30 years ago.

“I think it’s simply wonderful,” said Martha Smith, a 32-year-old New Zealander who attended both the Duke’s first playdate and now Prince George’s as well but as a mother. 

“This playdate,” continued Smith. “And the other one as well is just the Duke's way of drawing closer to us commoners. That he is. That he is. Sharing in the suffering of our filthy diseases, pestilence and plagues. I just wish he'd use a rear-facing baby car seat. At least while he’s in New Zealand. God save the Queen!”

Copyright © 2008-2014 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Duke William Files for Name Change: 'The Duke (Formally Known as Prince) William'

London, England --

According to those close to the royal family, Prince William rather heavily lobbied the Queen Elizabeth II of England, his grandmother, to retain his title: Prince of Wales so that his then fiancée, Catharine, could continued to be referred to as Princess.

However, the Queen declined the request and without stating a reason why, bestowed the titles of Duke William and Duchess Catharine of Cambridge on the recently wed couple instead.

Perhaps as a sign of rebellion, the newly appointed Duke and Duchess jumped into their convertible, an Aston Martin. And with the top down, drove off the grounds of Buckingham Palace, headed straight for the nearest Barrister to get his former title legally restored.

"They make such a lovely couple," said the Barrister that heard the royal case. "But I told him my order to grant his name change is tentative at best. Likely to be overruled by the Queen herself when she gets wind of it."

Until then, however, Duke William won the right to be legally addressed as, "The Duke (Formally Known as Prince) William".

"It was the best I could do," explained the Barrister, who later confessed off the record that he confided with the Queen. Secretly getting her approval on the temporary name change in advance of his ruling.

"It will take time for Great Britain, Northern Ireland and the Common Wealth to get adjusted to the name change," continued the Barrister back on the record. "So I advised them that it would be wise to present the court ordered name change where ever they go. So that way they avoid any ‘imperial entanglements’. They really do make a lovely couple."

"It’s a good thing they had that piece of paper with them," said a royal footman in service at Buckingham Palace, who was among the first to be presented the legal document. "I almost slipped up and called him Duke William."

However, "The Duke (Formally Known as Prince) William" flashed the piece of paper to the footman, saving them both embarrassment of a social faux pas of a royal magnitude.

"He saved my neck. That he did. That he did. Figuratively speaking, of course," said the footman. "I mean they stopped doing that sort of stuff around here centuries ago. Didn’t they? Oh my God! The maid, she forgot to curtsy. That’s’ it. She’s done in for sure! Sure as Bob’s your uncle."

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.">

Prince William Fined £10 for Kissing Kate Twice, Excessive Public Display of Affection?

London, England --

Right after Duke (formally known as Prince) William and Duchess Kate of Cambridge left the balcony at Buckingham Palace, a Bobby issued him a ticket for excessive public display of affection.

"What’s this for?" asked Duke William as he was handed the ticket.

"It’s a fine, my lord," replied the Bobby as he politely tipped his hat to the Duchess, Kate.

"Right," said Duke William. "But what’s it for?"

"Excessive public display of affection, sir," said the Bobby, as William’s fellow airforce comrades surrounded him.

"What excessive public display of affection?" asked the Duke, beginning to lose his patience.

"Just now," said the Bobby. "Out there on the balcony. When you kissed the wife twice on the lips, sir."

William's military buddies tightened their circle around the Bobby.

"Listen here," said William as he nodded to his friends. "Why don’t we discuss this in private, eh?"

"Well, that’s really not necessary, sir," nervously said the Bobby as he was dragged off by William’s buddies.

"Put him in the drawing room!" shouted Duke William. "I’ll be there momentarily. I’ll be damned if I let anyone get away with fining me for kissing my wife twice."

"What’s going on, Dukey?" asked a concerned Kate.

William then turned to his beautiful bride and kissed her again, right on the lips.

"Nothing, my love," said William as he ran off to the drawing room, removing his blue sash and red jacket along the way. "Duty calls!"

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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