Will Failed to Release Handbrake; Kate Activated Car Ejection Seat, Launching Herself into Wild Blue Yonder

London, England –

It was disclosed today about the royal family that Duke William was so nervous on his wedding day that when he drove away from Buckingham Palace with Duchess Catherine in his father’s prized Aston Martin with the top down, he did so with the handbrake still up. Well, that was not the only automotive mishap made that day.

“The car is especially equipped with an array of both defensive and offensive security accoutrements,” explained, Jonathan Burke, a former security consultant to the royal family. “And though I am not at liberty to disclose their particular nature, I am authorized to say they are not standard in factory rollout models.”

Later, while driving along in the English countryside, Kate was so excited she began to jump up and down, dancing in her car seat. And while reaching to turn up the car radio, she accidentally activated one of those security accoutrements.

“She pressed the bloody ejection button,” Will allegedly told friends. “Good thing the car top was down, though.”

That is when the Duke’s military training as a helicopter pilot came in handy as he quickly calculated the trajectory of his new bride, maneuvering the Aston Martin underneath her to ensure her a soft landing.

“She was headed due south as the raven flies when I caught up with her,” William explained.

Once the Duchess was safely returned to her car seat, she hugged and kissed the Duke, thanking him profusely for saving her life.

“Promise me our marriage will always be this exciting,” the Duchess reportedly said to her Duke.

“I promise,” William allegedly replied, hugging and kissing Kate right back. And then admonished, “Now, before we get to the Tower of London, I must warn you. There are certain items you ought not to touch.”

“Hold on, love,” said Kate as she reached for the car radio to turn it down. “I can’t hear youuuu!!!”

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