NASA Lunar Probes Fail to Find Andy Kaufman A.K.A. 'Man on the Moon'

Houston, Texas - -

Ever since he failed to show up 10 years after his reported death and burial, top NASA officials secretly set out to find the late 1970s and early 1980s performance artist sensation, Andy Kaufman on their own. And in the only possible hiding place he could be: the southern polar region of the moon. So in the predawn hours today, NASA crashed two minivansized probes into the lunar surface to find out. Each specially equipped.

"One of the minivan sized probes contained all vegetarian frozen meals, the latest Yoga DVDs and back issues of 'Varity," said a spokesman for NASA. "The other was filled to capacity with Hollywood agents looking to sign up Andy Kaufman for a 'Taxi' show reunion special, staring that adorable Foreign Man character, 'Latka."

"It's the only place he could be," said James Robinson, a devoted fan of Andy Kaufman and NASA project director in charge of aiming the probes at the moon, assuring their impact on the surface without entailing the destruction of all probe contents and lives onboard. "It's the only place that has hydrogen (water and oxygen) to support life."

Although preliminary telemetry analysis so far has not surfaced either Andy Kaufman or the lovable 'Latka Gravas', NASA scientists remain optimistic. Reporting that just moments before either of the probes impacted they picked up what some are regarding not only as proof of the presence of water, but signs of life.

"A second before the probes impacted," said Robinson. "We picked up three distinct audio signals originating from the surface of the moon."

Sound analysis has confirmed one was the theme song from "Mighty Mouse" "Here I come to save the day!" and the other a simple, "Tank you veddy much!"

NASA officials are still attempting to ascertain the identity of third audio signal and have only been able to decipher the lyrics, which it has released to the public for its assistance. Just follow the bouncing ball: "If you believe, they put a man on the moon. Man on the moon -- "

"What a pile of crap! Follow the bouncing ball my ass," said Tony Clifton, retired lounge signer and business associate of Kaufman in a long distance phone call from South Beach, Florida.

"Wait a doggone minute. What did you say you little prick? I'm not retired. I'm just waiting for Andy to come back from the grave, like he told me to do...See, I even brought a space shuttle to pick him up. Get it? Pick him up? Ah, you're all a bunch of pricks."

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