Showing posts with label Prince William. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prince William. Show all posts

Oh No! Pippa’s Ass Leaked onto the Interwebs Too?

London, England –
When it reigns, it pours. Fresh on the heels of Kate Middleton’s topless photos comes the news that the duchess’ little sister, Pippa, has a few skeletons in the closet of her own. As photos of her ass have just been leaked to the Internet.

The ass in the photo (above) has been authenticated as belonging to Pippa Middleton.

“It was taken without her permission when she wandered onto a neighbor’s property,” said a friend of the Middleton family, while examining the photo.

“Pippa’s ass seems to have a mind of its own,” said a Bobby [policeman], who often responds to the trespass calls. “She’d wander far and wide, all about the countryside. Even poking her nose into a few pubs all along the way.”

At the end of the day, however, Pippa’s ass could usually be found in a neighbor’s barn.

“Taking a roll in the hay,” explained the family friend.

The size of Pippa’s ass also made it impossible for the authorities to transport her by way of a lorry [truck].

“So they often had to ride her back home,” said the family friend. “Taking turns along the way.”

“Pippa’s ass doesn’t seem to mind really,” said the Bobby, reflecting on the times he mounted up on her. “In fact, if you ask me, she likes someone taking the reigns. Someone to take control. Someone willing to firmly, yet ever so gently, plant a barehanded slap on her buttocks. Just to remind her who’s in charge when she’s lost and can’t find her way back home bareback.”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Duke William Files for Name Change: 'The Duke (Formally Known as Prince) William'

London, England --

According to those close to the royal family, Prince William rather heavily lobbied the Queen Elizabeth II of England, his grandmother, to retain his title: Prince of Wales so that his then fiancée, Catharine, could continued to be referred to as Princess.

However, the Queen declined the request and without stating a reason why, bestowed the titles of Duke William and Duchess Catharine of Cambridge on the recently wed couple instead.

Perhaps as a sign of rebellion, the newly appointed Duke and Duchess jumped into their convertible, an Aston Martin. And with the top down, drove off the grounds of Buckingham Palace, headed straight for the nearest Barrister to get his former title legally restored.

"They make such a lovely couple," said the Barrister that heard the royal case. "But I told him my order to grant his name change is tentative at best. Likely to be overruled by the Queen herself when she gets wind of it."

Until then, however, Duke William won the right to be legally addressed as, "The Duke (Formally Known as Prince) William".

"It was the best I could do," explained the Barrister, who later confessed off the record that he confided with the Queen. Secretly getting her approval on the temporary name change in advance of his ruling.

"It will take time for Great Britain, Northern Ireland and the Common Wealth to get adjusted to the name change," continued the Barrister back on the record. "So I advised them that it would be wise to present the court ordered name change where ever they go. So that way they avoid any ‘imperial entanglements’. They really do make a lovely couple."

"It’s a good thing they had that piece of paper with them," said a royal footman in service at Buckingham Palace, who was among the first to be presented the legal document. "I almost slipped up and called him Duke William."

However, "The Duke (Formally Known as Prince) William" flashed the piece of paper to the footman, saving them both embarrassment of a social faux pas of a royal magnitude.

"He saved my neck. That he did. That he did. Figuratively speaking, of course," said the footman. "I mean they stopped doing that sort of stuff around here centuries ago. Didn’t they? Oh my God! The maid, she forgot to curtsy. That’s’ it. She’s done in for sure! Sure as Bob’s your uncle."

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.">

Prince William Fined £10 for Kissing Kate Twice, Excessive Public Display of Affection?

London, England --

Right after Duke (formally known as Prince) William and Duchess Kate of Cambridge left the balcony at Buckingham Palace, a Bobby issued him a ticket for excessive public display of affection.

"What’s this for?" asked Duke William as he was handed the ticket.

"It’s a fine, my lord," replied the Bobby as he politely tipped his hat to the Duchess, Kate.

"Right," said Duke William. "But what’s it for?"

"Excessive public display of affection, sir," said the Bobby, as William’s fellow airforce comrades surrounded him.

"What excessive public display of affection?" asked the Duke, beginning to lose his patience.

"Just now," said the Bobby. "Out there on the balcony. When you kissed the wife twice on the lips, sir."

William's military buddies tightened their circle around the Bobby.

"Listen here," said William as he nodded to his friends. "Why don’t we discuss this in private, eh?"

"Well, that’s really not necessary, sir," nervously said the Bobby as he was dragged off by William’s buddies.

"Put him in the drawing room!" shouted Duke William. "I’ll be there momentarily. I’ll be damned if I let anyone get away with fining me for kissing my wife twice."

"What’s going on, Dukey?" asked a concerned Kate.

William then turned to his beautiful bride and kissed her again, right on the lips.

"Nothing, my love," said William as he ran off to the drawing room, removing his blue sash and red jacket along the way. "Duty calls!"

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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