Bill Clinton to Lady Gaga: Where’s the Beef?!

Hollywood, California –

Ex-President Bill Clinton had been looking forward to meeting Lady Gaga ever since she announced she would be performing at his belated 65th birthday party and foundation fundraising event at the Hollywood Bowl last Saturday night.

However, friends close to Mr. Clinton say he was disappointed when Lady Gaga came out signing “Happy Birthday Mr. President” to him dressed up somewhat like a modern Marilyn Monroe. Instead of in her shocking raw steak gown she wore at the MTV Music Awards.

“Mr. Clinton recent conversion to vegetarianism hasn’t been going so well,” initially explained a Clinton aide, regarding an incident that occurred between the two backstage.

However, both parties have subsequently denied an incident ever occurred.

According to rumor, however, immediately after the show, Mr. Clinton had an opportunity to meet with Lady Gaga backstage, where he allegedly forcefully took her aside by the arm for a private conversation.

“Why didn’t you wear your meat dress tonight?” asked the ex-president of Lady Gaga with his security detail blocking the view of the couple from the other guests.

“Stop it,” said Lady Gaga. “You’re hurting me.”

“I thought you would be wearing it to night,” Mr. Clinton continued.

“I sent it out to be cleaned,” Lady Gaga sarcastically replied.

“You think that’s funny? If I had a nickel for every time I heard that line,” replied Mr. Clinton as he led Lady Gaga down a corridor into an empty dressing room.

Locking the door behind them, the former president then pinned Lady Gaga up against the wall. Slowly he began sniffing up and down her neck. His security detail standing guard, just outside.

“What are you doing?” asked a frightened Lady Gaga, as she reached down for her one of her dildo high heels, unscrewing one to use as a weapon in her defense.

“I can smell it,” said Mr. Clinton with his eyes closed.

“What?” said Lady Gaga, slowly lifting up her hand with the dildo to strike Bill.

All of a sudden, the Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, broke down the door with her foot and entered the room.

“Whom in the hell do you think you are doing?” yelled the Secretary of State as she dragged the ex-president off Lady Gaga by his ear.

“Nothing, Hilly,” replied Mr. Clinton. “I, I swear.”

“What pickup line did use on you, honey?” asked Mrs. Clinton to Lady Gaga.

But before Lady Gaga could answer, Mrs. Clinton cut her off.

“Don’t tell me,” said Mrs. Clinton, looking at her husband. “Let me guess. The old, ‘Why didn’t you wear that dress tonight?’ line?”

“Something like that,” said Lady Gaga, reattaching the dildo heel to her shoe.

“By the way,” said Mrs. Clinton to Lady Gaga as she exited the room with her husband in tow. “I love your shoes. I got a pair just like them back home.”

“Don’t be mad at me, Hilly,” said Bill from down the hall. “Baby, I was born this way.”

The ex-president’s security detail followed helplessly behind, as the Secretary of State’s security detail waved them off.

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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