9 Out of 10 Kids from ‘I’m Tiger Woods’ Shoe Commercial Suspected to be His

Los Angeles, California --

A group of fathers on behalf of their children that appeared in the ‘I’m Tiger Woods’ ‘Nike’ commercial a year ago have now banned together to file the nation’s first ever class action child support case and against Tiger Woods, after their paternity tests proved inconclusive.

“I always thought it was strange the way Tiger Woods’ people contacted us to do the commercial out of the blue like that,” said Bryan Dilbert talking about how his wife received a phone call from agent representing Tiger Woods asking her if she would like her son to be in one of his commercials. “But I thought, ‘Hey, it’s Tiger Woods.”

Once Mrs. Dilbert returned from the Tiger Woods’ commercial shoot with their 5-year-old son, however, she filed for divorce shortly thereafter, ending 4 years of marriage and gaining full custody of their son in the legal process.

“I never connected the two,” said Mr. Dilbert as he dressed in his drab motel room he rents from day to day in the only suit he has left, one he purchased at the Goodwill in preparation to meet his 5-year-old son for his occasional court ordered visitations.

“I’d like to see my son more often,” says Mr. Dilbert as he rides the bus downtown on the way to see his son for his once a month supervised visitations. “But I just can’t afford to pay the monitoring fees.”

A somewhat emotionally detached Mr. Dilbert sits in a pale green sterile room wearing a gray suit plagued with moth holes with an unseen court monitor looking on from behind a two-way mirrored glass, as he watches his son pickup a plastic golf club and putt a bright orange ball into a Astroturf indoor green over and over again.

“Hey, Regit,” says Mr. Dilbert to his son. “Do that again for daddy.”

After watching his son knock a golf ball into the hole time after time, Mr. Dilbert had an epiphany.

“Are you seeing this!” yelled out Mr. Dilbert to the invisible but omni present observer behind the mirrored glass and motorized security camera lenses.

Mr. Dilbert clapped and cheered his son on putt after putt. Suddenly he scooped him up into his arms and carried him to the mirrored glass and pounding on it with his fist yelled out, “He’s not my son! He’s not my son!” which only caused the boy to burst into tears.

“No, no. Don’t cry Regit,” said Mr. Dilbert trying to comfort the boy from his comments while winking at the observer behind the mirrored glass. “Daddy didn’t mean it.”

“All that was 6 months ago,” said Mr. Dilbert reading the paternity test results for his son which came back 99.9 percent positive that he is the father, as he sat on the edge of the stained motel bed all alone teary-eyed with a pistol to his head staring at a photograph of his son on the nightstand across the room; fading police siren, gunshots and screams echoing in the distance. “Now the judge says I can’t see Regit ever again…Tiger Woods…you ruined more than one family…you ruined mine t -- BANG!”

Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo