Showing posts with label WaMu. Show all posts
Showing posts with label WaMu. Show all posts

AMBER Alert issued for missing WaMu children; gone from their website

Seattle, Washington

Today, a spokesmen for JPMorgan Chase confirmed that the WaMu children on their website [] are indeed missing. So, authorities have been asked to issue an AMBER Alert to help locate them. The WaMu children were present on their website before the JPMorgan Chase takeover; however, they were not reported as missing until at least 24 hours after their legal names were changed to JPMorgan Chase. Ever since then, the children have not been seen or heard from.

“I don’t know what could have happen to them,” said an almost inconsolable Mrs. Mu-JPMorgan Chase. “They were there [on the website] just 24 hours ago and now they're gone.”

The WaMu children, Wa Jr. and Mu Jr., are both five-years-old twin boys, who have black hair, brown eyes, and weight approximately fifty-five pounds. They were last wearing a red and yellow sweater and blue jeans, respectfully.

The twin’s, as they are commonly referred to, favorite game is playing Peek-A-Boo in which one child, usually Wa Jr., covers the eyes of the other, Mu Jr., in a surprise from behind, a practice, which seemed to annoy their new daddy JPMorgan Chase for some unknown reason that authorities are currently looking into.

Authorities are considering the possibility that the children could have simply run away. Upset with the recent breakup of their parents the WaMus, and the apparent sudden announcement of their new daddy JPMorgan Chase, who just moved into the former WaMu website.

However, authorities have also not ruled out parental abduction by Mr. Wa who has not been seen or heard of since the breakup. Nor have they ruled out foul play by the missing children’s new daddy, JPMorgan Chase, who also cannot be reached. Only, for the reason that he is out of town on a prescheduled business trip.

“In cases like these,” said Captain Doug Copper of the Seattle police Department. “Often mom’s new boyfriend can’t stand the sight of the kids because they serve as a constant reminder of the children’s father. So, when they think no body is looking, they make the kids disappear. So to speak.”

A blogger was the first to notice and report the WaMu children missing to authorities. Even before that of Mrs. Mu-JPMorgan Chase, who did not notice her children missing at all until authorities contacted her informing her of their disappearance, which places her under suspicion by authorities as well.

“Yup, it’s a real who done it case,” said Captain Copper। “No telling where those poor kids could be. I just hope they’re okay and that we’ll all see them again real soon.”

Copyright 2008 Robert W. Armijo

Cash Cow WaMu runs out of MOOLAH!

Seattle, Washington

Fearing that Washington Mutual corporate executives wishing to avoid an FBI investigation by escaping their mortal coils, Seattle police had to surround the Space Needle in Seattle, Washington with nets as precautionary measure as news of the JPMorgan Chase takeover of the once largest bank in the history of the United States of America collapsed today.

“We haven’t had any jumpers yet,” said Settle Police Captain Bryan Copper as he stands on a suicide watch. “And with the nets all around the Space Needle, we expect to catch any that do.”

Captain Copper has standing orders to protect the safety of the public, placing his personal feelings on the matter aside.

“If it wasn’t that their falling bodies posing danger to public safety, I would let them jump,” said Captain Copper. “I know its too merciful of a death for the damage that they have caused, but I really can’t afford to pay anymore in taxes for their upkeep in jail if they are ever convicted for the fraud they committed on the public.”

Unfortunately, a number of the nets Captain Copper and his unit are using have holes in them and are not expected to be very effective in breaking the fall of any WaMu executives.

“It’s the sea air,” said Captain Copper. “It has a very corrosive effect on the nets. Just like all those unregulated Wall Street investment banker on the economy. I just hope the one in Washington, D.C. doesn’t have as many holes, or we’ll all slip through.”

Copyright 2008 Robert W. Armijo