Showing posts with label Pot. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pot. Show all posts

Girl Scout Breaks Cookie Sales Record Selling in Front of a Pot Dispensary Shop

Due to the hallucinogenic effects 
you’re suffering, this cookie may 
appear more delicious than it actually is
 Aurora, Colorado –

Girl Scout officials at the national office have reluctantly conceded that a Girl Scout from the state of Colorado has already set a new record for the number of total sales of cookie boxes sold this year.

Their ruling came after other Girl Scout chapters in other states (except for Alaska, Arizona, California, Hawaii, Maine, Nevada, Oregon, and Washington) filed a complaint with the Girl Scout Cookie Commission of Colorado, claiming unfair sales practices.

“We take all and any accusation of unfair business practices very seriously,” said a Girl Scout official. “After all our girls are not just selling cookies, they’re learning valuable skills that they will need to succeed as the future business women of America.”

The controversy arose when 11-year-old Christine set up her cookie table across the street from a marijuana dispensary shop.

“That’s when sales went through the roof,” said Christine’s mother. “I mean they soared as high as a kite.”

Christine and her mother had tried other more conventional venues but with less than desirous results.

“One Sunday, we even set up outside a church,” said Christine. “But all the old ladies kept asking for was donuts and coffee.”

Other locations included a mini mall, a library and the supermarket before finally settling on setting up across the street from the pot shop.

As Christine stands at attention at her foldaway table, she politely thanks yet another customer for their patronage.

However, the transaction is not yet completed.

As she opens an old cigar box where she places the cash, Christine carefully counts the money (mostly large denominations), recording the sale in her receipt book.

“Well,” she says turning to her mother. “That’s the last of them until five o’clock.”

That is when most people working 9 to 5 jobs get off work and head for the marijuana dispensary shop.

“Then they head for my table to buy boxes and boxes of my cookies,” Christine excitedly explains.

Christine affectionately refers to her customers as her ‘Five O’clock Heroes’.

After taking a sip from her bottled water, Christine hears the beeping sound of truck backing up.

“Looks like break time is over, mom,” Christine says to her mother as she stands up again but this time to help guide the truck driver back up to her table to deliver crates of cookies. “Mom? Where did she go?”

“Logistics is just one of the many things I learned by selling cookies,” says Christine.

As the driver unloads the cookies from the back of his truck, Christine carefully looks over the invoice before signing it.

Back at the table, Christine and her mother unpack and meticulously set up the display boxes of cookies.

“Chocolate mint is my best seller,” says Christine. “But I think that’s only because it’s the box of cookies closest to the weight scale we have especially setup to serve our customers from across the street.”

Christine’s mother explains the presence of the scales, which she purchased at a police auction.

“Our customers are so use to paying by the ounce that using a scale just seemed a natural part of the transaction,” she said.

“I call it product placement,” said Christine. "Tailored to meet the needs of our consumer base.”

As the first of the wave of the anticipated five o’clock customers approaches the Girl Scout cookie table, Christine stands up to attend to them.

“Excellent choice, sir,” says Christine.

Carefully, Christine begins to place boxes of chocolate mint cookies on the scale.

“Is that enough, sir?” Christine asks politely.

“Just one more box?” the man hesitantly replies.

“Sure,” says Christine with a smile. “Why not? Let’s go for broke.”

Christine’s mother is pleased with the Girl Scout Cookie Commissions ruling but fears it maybe tentative.

“They could win on appeal,” said Christine’s mother. “And if that happens, we’re back to Square One. That’s a mini mall miles from here.”

“Look mom!” Christine shouts. “Here come my Five O’clock Heroes. Better breakout more scales. Mom? Where did she go again?”

When asked about her questionable business ethics of selling cookies to people obviously impaired by a hallucinogenic, stricken with the after effects known as the munchies, Christine simply replied:

“Business ethics?” said Christine. “Now there’s a contradiction in terms.”

Just at the peak of the five o’clock sales rush, however, police raided Christine’s table and impounded all her cookies.

“The police said we were operating medical equipment without a medical license,” said Christine, handcuffed from the back of a police car. “Do you think they’re talking about the scales my mom bought? Oh well. It’s all apart of doing business. Call my lawyer! Tell him to meet me at the police station. He knows which one.”

  
Police Booking Photo of Christine's Mom

Copyright © 2008-2014 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:

Willie Nelson’s Lawyer Argues: Willie’s Pot Really His Special Blend of Kentucky Bluegrass


Some Willie Nelson Supporters
outside a "Free Willie" rally

Dallas, Texas --


After analyzing the so-called cannabis contraband found on Willie Nelson's person, Austin border police have been forced to reconsider lessening the marijuana possession charge against the world renown country signer, or even dropping it altogether.

Border police busted Nelson the day after Thanksgiving when they found what they thought was marijuana, stuffed into a live turkey he was carrying under his arm.

“He tried convincing the police that he recently converted to vegetarianism,” said Martha Maryweather who was standing behind Willie Nelson when he was arrested. “And that he had just rescued that turkey he was carrying under his arm from a thanksgiving dinner he was invited to by his friends. But the police didn’t believe him. I didn’t believe him either. They thought he was high on pot. We all thought he was high on pot. You know, having one of those ‘Reefer Madness’ moments.”

Unfortunately the turkey did not survive the police interrogation and expired sometime during a full body cavity search.

“No doubt succumbing to ingesting 2 out of the 6 ounces of cannabis Mr. Nelson stuffed into its body,” said police.

However, Mr. Nelson will not be facing any animal cruelty charges. As the animal he selected to plant the alleged illegal substance was a turkey and it was on or near Thanksgiving Day.

“Also,” added police. “As cannabis or pot, as it is known by its street name, is classified as an herb. It’s therefore technically considered a dressing. In fact, my wife uses it all the time…the herb dressing, I mean. Not the pot.”

“Initially the field test conducted on the remaining alleged illegal substance retrieved from the turkey Mr. Nelson was transporting under his arm came back positive,” said authorities. “However, subsequent test results have been mixed at best.”

Authorities are still not saying much as to what the “alleged illegal substance” Nelson was carrying, if not pot. However, his lawyer did at a “Free Willie” rally, taking center stage wearing a Grateful Dead T-shirt.

“My client [Willie Nelson] is innocent!” said Jerry Stromburger, Nelson’s attorney and Dead Head as he nearly stumbled off the stage. “That’s all I wanted to say, man. He’s innocent! Wait a minute…Who’s innocent again?”

Mr. Stromburger then wandered off backstage into a cloud of cannabis before reemerging from it a few minutes later, escorted back to the microphone with the assistance of two scantily clad young blonde women, wearing little more clothing than their Willie Nelson style rainbow colored headbands.

A surprisingly suddenly sober Stromburger then read from a prepared statement filled with legalese.

“At no time was my client, William Nelson, in the possession of the aforementioned alleged illegal substance,” said Mr. Stromburger, looking down his nose through a pair of reading glasses at the paper he held steadily in his hand. “Rather my client was in possession of a special blend of Kentucky Bluegrass, which my client currently holds patent pending rights to. If you have any questions, please address them to my office during business hours. I thank you.”

With that, Mr. Stromburger exited the stage. Again, escorted by the same two scanty clad blondes as before, back into the cannabis fogbank.

Copyright © 2010 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.