Girl Scout Breaks Cookie Sales Record Selling in Front of a Pot Dispensary Shop

Due to the hallucinogenic effects 
you’re suffering, this cookie may 
appear more delicious than it actually is
 Aurora, Colorado –

Girl Scout officials at the national office have reluctantly conceded that a Girl Scout from the state of Colorado has already set a new record for the number of total sales of cookie boxes sold this year.

Their ruling came after other Girl Scout chapters in other states (except for Alaska, Arizona, California, Hawaii, Maine, Nevada, Oregon, and Washington) filed a complaint with the Girl Scout Cookie Commission of Colorado, claiming unfair sales practices.

“We take all and any accusation of unfair business practices very seriously,” said a Girl Scout official. “After all our girls are not just selling cookies, they’re learning valuable skills that they will need to succeed as the future business women of America.”

The controversy arose when 11-year-old Christine set up her cookie table across the street from a marijuana dispensary shop.

“That’s when sales went through the roof,” said Christine’s mother. “I mean they soared as high as a kite.”

Christine and her mother had tried other more conventional venues but with less than desirous results.

“One Sunday, we even set up outside a church,” said Christine. “But all the old ladies kept asking for was donuts and coffee.”

Other locations included a mini mall, a library and the supermarket before finally settling on setting up across the street from the pot shop.

As Christine stands at attention at her foldaway table, she politely thanks yet another customer for their patronage.

However, the transaction is not yet completed.

As she opens an old cigar box where she places the cash, Christine carefully counts the money (mostly large denominations), recording the sale in her receipt book.

“Well,” she says turning to her mother. “That’s the last of them until five o’clock.”

That is when most people working 9 to 5 jobs get off work and head for the marijuana dispensary shop.

“Then they head for my table to buy boxes and boxes of my cookies,” Christine excitedly explains.

Christine affectionately refers to her customers as her ‘Five O’clock Heroes’.

After taking a sip from her bottled water, Christine hears the beeping sound of truck backing up.

“Looks like break time is over, mom,” Christine says to her mother as she stands up again but this time to help guide the truck driver back up to her table to deliver crates of cookies. “Mom? Where did she go?”

“Logistics is just one of the many things I learned by selling cookies,” says Christine.

As the driver unloads the cookies from the back of his truck, Christine carefully looks over the invoice before signing it.

Back at the table, Christine and her mother unpack and meticulously set up the display boxes of cookies.

“Chocolate mint is my best seller,” says Christine. “But I think that’s only because it’s the box of cookies closest to the weight scale we have especially setup to serve our customers from across the street.”

Christine’s mother explains the presence of the scales, which she purchased at a police auction.

“Our customers are so use to paying by the ounce that using a scale just seemed a natural part of the transaction,” she said.

“I call it product placement,” said Christine. "Tailored to meet the needs of our consumer base.”

As the first of the wave of the anticipated five o’clock customers approaches the Girl Scout cookie table, Christine stands up to attend to them.

“Excellent choice, sir,” says Christine.

Carefully, Christine begins to place boxes of chocolate mint cookies on the scale.

“Is that enough, sir?” Christine asks politely.

“Just one more box?” the man hesitantly replies.

“Sure,” says Christine with a smile. “Why not? Let’s go for broke.”

Christine’s mother is pleased with the Girl Scout Cookie Commissions ruling but fears it maybe tentative.

“They could win on appeal,” said Christine’s mother. “And if that happens, we’re back to Square One. That’s a mini mall miles from here.”

“Look mom!” Christine shouts. “Here come my Five O’clock Heroes. Better breakout more scales. Mom? Where did she go again?”

When asked about her questionable business ethics of selling cookies to people obviously impaired by a hallucinogenic, stricken with the after effects known as the munchies, Christine simply replied:

“Business ethics?” said Christine. “Now there’s a contradiction in terms.”

Just at the peak of the five o’clock sales rush, however, police raided Christine’s table and impounded all her cookies.

“The police said we were operating medical equipment without a medical license,” said Christine, handcuffed from the back of a police car. “Do you think they’re talking about the scales my mom bought? Oh well. It’s all apart of doing business. Call my lawyer! Tell him to meet me at the police station. He knows which one.”

Police Booking Photo of Christine's Mom

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