SNL’s Pete Davidson Apologizes to Male Porn Stars -- Not Wounded GOP War Vets!

-- New York, New York

By Robert W. Armijo

Kowtowing to the mounting pressure from the porno industry, SNL’s Pete Davidson apologized to male porn star performers everywhere for comparing them to GOP congressional candidate and wounded Afghanistan war veteran, Dan Crenshaw, who lost an eye in the service of his country.  

“It was never my intent to make a mockery of one-eyed eye patch wearing male porn stars and their fine service to the pornography industry,” said Pete Davidson at a press conference held at the very same ‘Weekend Update’ desk on the set of SNL.

“I mean how would men or women know when to get off if, it weren’t for the ‘money shot’ generously and self-sacrificingly provided by male porn stars?” said Pete Davidson. “I mean with women, you don’t know. They could be faking it. But with guys, you know. Because of the ‘money shot’. You know?”

Pete Davidson seemed to acknowledge his folly right from the get go.

“As soon as those words left my mouth,” said Pete Davidson. “I knew I would regret them.”

Reportedly, Pete Davidson had somewhat of a near death experience, while he spoke those hurtful words of hate speech.

“It was like I was in a war zone and IED exploded in my face,” said a remorseful Pete Davidson. “I saw every porn movie I ever watched flash right before my eyes.”

A visibly shaken Pete Davidson paused a moment before continuing.

“All that jizz flowing through the air as thick as bullets,” said a verklempt Pete Davidson. "It brought tears to my eyes." 

Copyright © 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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