Bovine DNA Found in Horseradish

Chicago, Illinois –

As if European meat inspectors had enough trouble on their plate finding horse DNA in food products marked for human consumption, now reports are pouring in alleging the presence of bovine DNA in horseradish.

“We’re not sure how the bovine DNA got into the horseradish,” said a meat inspector. 

Unofficially, it is believed that the bovine have branded together and spiked the horseradish with their DNA in a deliberate act of revenge.

“People don’t realized how vengeful cows can be,” said a former rancher who confessed to tipping cows in his youth.

“I learned my lesson though,” continued the former rancher, visibly shaken by the traumatic incident 

After a long day of cow tipping, the young man retired to his bedroom for the evening.

“That’s when I was awoken in the middle of the night,” said the former rancher who began tearing up.

The young man screamed out in horror, as he pulled back his bed sheets only to find a bottle of horseradish at the foot of his bed.

“Next to BBQ sauce,” said the former rancher, weeping openly. “Horseradish was my favorite condiment.”

Meat inspectors advise consumers to stay away from horseradish.

“If you have an aversion to bovine DNA in your horseradish,” said a meat inspector. “You may want to try some hot Chinese mustard instead. Just until the crisis subsides.” 

Copyright © 2008-2013 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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