International Pillow Fight Day Marred by Sack of Hammers

Roht Wolfgang's Police Booking Photo
Berlin, Germany –

It was supposed to be playful and fun. A shared fond remembrance of a cherished innocent childhood memory only on an international scale.

“After all, everybody has had a pillow fight or two in their lifetime, right?” said a somewhat disillusioned spokesman for International Pillow Fight Day. 

Well, not if you believe Roht Wolfgang in a statement he made to police when he was arrested for battery with a sack of hammers.

“I didn’t know. I never had a pillow fight before,” said Wolfgang. “I thought it was okay to stuff my pillow with hammers and swing it at people.” 

Wolfgang was arrested before for swinging his sack of hammers at people. 

Police were alerted by a telephone call from a participant at the event but their response was delayed.

“Due to the air filled with feathers,” explained police, which obstructed the view of victims and authorities both. “The alleged perpetrator was able to hit hundreds of people with his sack of hammers before he was apprehended.”

The only clue of Wolfgang’s mayhem that police had to follow was a trail of “pink” feathers and pillowcases left in his wake.

“The blood stained the feathers and pillowcases pink,” said police.

“I’m one of the lucky ones. I guess,” said Paul Johnson, who was nearly struck in the head, escaping with a shattered knee only. 

Johnson recalled a pink haze rapidly approaching on the horizon. 

“I knew what it was right of way,” said Johnson who had engaged in pillow fights before with his brothers. “So I called police on my cell phone.” 

Methodically working their way through the crowd of pillow fighters, while being assailed by pillows themselves, police caught Wolfgang red-handed still holding the bag of hammers amid the battlefield of the fallen. 

“Drop the pillowcase!” police ordered. 

However, Wolfgang was not giving up so easily.

“He began to spin around and around,” said Johnson, who witnessed the arrest at Wolfgang’s feet. “Taking out at least half a dozen policeman before he was wrestled to the ground.”

Along with Wolfgang, hundreds of other International Pillow Fight Day participants were arrested as well.

“They’ll be charged with assult and battery on a peace officer too,” said police, spiting out feathers.

Copyright © 2008-2013 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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