New York, New York --
The ‘Pillsbury Doughboy’ balloon debut ended in tragedy today at Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade as four men identifying themselves as the ‘Ghostbusters’ terrorist gang made an unscheduled appearance, attacking the giant gaseous nonporous bag with nuclear fusion reactors strapped to their backs, causing the balloon to explode in milliseconds.
Fortunately, the unprovoked assault took place once the parade was over sparing thousands of parade spectators and millions of TV viewers at home the violence. However, eyewitnesses of the incident did state the encounter was brief.
“The second those Ghostbusters let loose with their nuclear fusion reactors, it was over,” said one of the ‘Pillsbury Doughboy’ balloon handlers that was holding on to a tether at the time of the assault, suffering extensive ear damage. “What? Did you say something to me?”
Arrested at the scene of the crime were: Dr. Peter Venkman, Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler and some Black dude [Winston Zeddmore].
At least two of the ‘Ghostbuster’ terrorist gang of four are suspected to be members of a sleeper terrorist cell leftover from the 1970s, belonging to a scripted comedy late night TV show known simply by the initials ‘SNL’, which authorities have yet to identify.
“They didn’t simply commit an act of vandalism,” said the office of the New York District Attorney. “By consciously using an unlicensed and unregistered nuclear powered device within the State of New York, the so-called ‘Ghostbusters’ terrorist gang endangered the lives of us all.”
“Can I have a little powwow with the mayor about this?” reportedly requested Dr. Peter Venkman, the suspected leader of the terrorist cell, as he was being lead away by police and his equipment impounded. “I want to hand him the bill for this job in person. What, you’re arresting me? Now what kind of way is that to show your gratitude? I just saved New York City, again. A simple thank you would have sufficed. Now, come on guys. I’m not fooling around. Take these the handcuffs off me and lets talk this out, okay? Oh, listen man. I’d be very careful handling that if I were you. It might ex –"
Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo
