Tom Turkey Refuses Obama’s Presidential Pardon; Demands Execution Instead

Washington, D.C. --

Braking with tradition today, Tom Turkey refused the annual Presidential pardon and demanded to be executed instead. Leaving White House officials scratching their heads as to what to do next.

“We’ve never had a turkey refuse a presidential pardon before,” hesitantly said a spokesman for the White House. “We…um, we never executed a turkey before, either.”

As President Obama called his advisers into the West Wing to discuss the matter, leaving Tom Turkey in the custody of the of his children out in the rose garden, former vice president, Dick Cheney called the White House.

“What the hell are you guys doing over!” said Mr. Cheney over the speakerphone. “These birds don’t want to be pardoned. They've been radicalized. They want to be martyrs. Just take an axe and lop that bird’s head off. …Or do you need me to do it?”

No response came from anyone in the West Wing as Obama had the back of his chair to his advisors and he stared out the window watching his daughters playing with the turkey.

Finally one of the president’s advisors stood up, walked over to the president and whispered into his ear.

“Better to do it now,” whispered the advisor. “Before they get too attached to the bird.”

The President nodded in agreement.

“Okay, Mr. Cheney,” said the advisor. “You win.”

“Good,” replied Mr. Cheney. “Have the bird ready out back. I’ll be by within the hour. I got to pickup a camera on the way to record this for Sarah Palin. She’s really into this sort of stuff.”

Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo