Showing posts with label mile high club. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mile high club. Show all posts

JetBlue: ‘The Frequent Flyer Mile-High Swinger’s Club in the Sky?’

"Attention all passengers, please return to your seats.
It's about to get a bit choppy."  

By Robert W. Armijo

The refusal to allow a scantly clad lass to board a JetBlue flight last week is apparently the tip of the iceberg or the tip of something big anyway.

It appears not allowing the sexy young woman to board the plane until she changed into more conservative clothing was an over correction on behalf of the airline.

“JetBlue has a reputation among the airline industry,” said a JetBlue stewardess that asked not to be identified. “We’re known as ‘The Frequent Flyer Mile-High Swinger’s Club in the Sky.”

A quick Internet search on Crag’s List would seem to verify JetBlue’s sexually unsavory reputation, as hundreds, if not thousands of posts, arrange for swing couples to make plans to rendezvous aboard JetBlue.

Apparently, when the JetBlue personnel turned away the sexily dressed young woman, she mistook her for a hooker, or at least a member of the mile-high club.

Although JetBlue refused to comment further on the incident, other airlines have confirmed JetBlue’s reputation for attracting sexually promiscuous passengers.

“They aren’t the only one with that problem,” said a pilot from a Texas-based airline. “Sex aboard airplane bathrooms has been around since the birth of aviation. You could call it the second oldest profession in the world, if it were a profession. Wait. I take that back. For some, it is a profession.”

“You won’t find it in any training manual,” said the flight attendant. “But we are trained to spot potential swingers aboard every flight."

The stewardess confirms spotting swingers is a lot like racial profiling or looking out for suspected terrorists.

“If I see an attractive woman exaggeratedly swaying her hips back-in-forth, while walking up and down the aisle, swinging her purse in the air and chewing bubble gum, I ask her to take her seat,” said the stewardess.  

Airline crews are also trained to listen for the interlocking sound of the bathroom stalls of the plane. 

“The second we hear that sliding and locking sound,” said the stewardess. “We are trained to take immediate action by taking a passenger headcount of all potential swingers.”

If any two are missing, the stewardess informs the pilot who then turns on the return to your seat sign. 

“And if that doesn’t work,” continued the stewardess. “Some pilots will go so far as to fake turbulence.”

Some pilots have been known to put the plane into a tailspin or nosedive in order to cut the swinging couple’s sexual liaison short.

“Oh, it’s not meant to stop them. God no,” explained the stewardess. “It’s meant to hurry them up, as the fear of sudden death apparently excites them further, which gets them to climax faster.”

“The sooner they are done with their business,” said the pilot. “The sooner we can all get on with ours.”

The stewardess confesses that not all swingers are easy to spot. 

“You’d think a guy wearing a hat, dark glasses and a trench coat would be easy to spot as a swinger,” said the flight attendant. “But that’s not the case. Especially on a rainy day.”

Nor are flight attendants and pilots capable of stopping or even successful at cutting short all sexual encounters.

“In which case,” said the stewardess. “It makes you wish they would allow smoking on the plane again. I mean those bathroom doors are not very thick. Sound escapes so easily.”

“When that happens,” said the pilot. “There’s nothing else you can do. If you can’t beat them, join them. I always say. So I switch on the autopilot and me a few stewardesses have a little orgy of our own in the galley. You just got to remember to take the airplane out of the tailspin or nosedive before engaging the autopilot is all. Otherwise, it could get a little messy real quick like, if you know what I mean. After all, a man has to make sure he pleases the ladies first. Before he pleases himself, if you get my drift.”

Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Daredevil Skydiver First to Join 24 Mile High Club

Santa Fe, New Mexico –

Daredevil skydiver, Felix Baumgartner, is the first to beat the Mile High Club record by 23 miles. 

“I just wish…I just wish I wasn’t up there all alone,” said a reflective, Baumgartner, who had to turn to an alternate method of warming himself up, after having trouble with the heater in his visor. All while wearing a space suit seated in a special pressurized capsule that dangled beneath a high atmospheric balloon.

Shortly after the malfunction occurred some 24 miles up and just minutes before he was to make his historical jump, Baumgartner turned off the cameras in the capsule monitoring his progress. 

“Mission control was spit balling suggestions in to my earpiece on what to do,” calmly recalled, Baumgartner.  “Even suggesting I scrub the jump.” 

Finally, Baumgartner took matters into his hands, so to speak, and shut off all the cameras in the capsule. 

A few minutes later, the cameras came back on and the heating problem was solved.

“The sensor readings from his visor were suddenly nominal again,” said an engineer monitoring the jump. 

Back on earth, Baumgartner refused to discuss with engineers what he did in those couple of minutes to fix the problem or why he shut off the cameras and turned them back on afterwards.  

“Whatever Baumgartner did to bring up the temperature in his space suit, it worked,” said an engineer. 

Engineers also noted a spike in Baumgartner’s heart rate and a strange shuttering emanating from within the capsule during the duration of the video blackout. 

“He won’t discuss that with us either. But that’s okay really,” said another engineer.  

Engineers say that although Baumgartner cut the video feed, he did not cut the audio feed.

“They run on independent recording systems for redundant backup purposes,” explained an engineer.

Engineers will be analyzing the audio in the coming days.

"We'll find out soon enough what Baumgartner did exactly in those couple of minutes to warm himself up,” said an engineer.

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

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