Showing posts with label S and P. Show all posts
Showing posts with label S and P. Show all posts

Top 10 Things Obama Can Do to Restore Nation’s AAA Rating with Standard and Poor’s:

10) Overt: By Executive Order, impose a one-time selective “Risk Assessment Agency” Retroactive Tax in the amount of 14 Trillion dollars.

9) Overt: Call in a Not So Surgical Air Strike on S and P's headquarters, using Smart Bombs, Tomahawk Cruise missiles and Predator drones.

8) Special Ops: Send in SEAL Team Six – Then take the captured S and P executives out for a long walk on the short deck of an aircraft carrier.

7) Black Ops: Grant a Presidential Pardon to members of “Anonymous,” IF they hack into S and P and change the nation’s credit rating back to AAA.

6) Covert: Start rumors via diplomatic cables that S and P is financially insolvent. Then transmit those diplomatic cables over a secured line for WikiLeaks to pick up and publish them on the World Wide Web.

5) Overt: Let loose the monster from that Cloverfeild movie onto Manhattan. Then coat the S and P building with “Love Potion #9”. But not before blocking off the Lincoln Tunnel and injecting the space creature with the nation’s entire supply of Viagra.

4) Overt: Invite the S and P board of directors over to the White House for a "Beer and Caviar Summit".

3) Overt: Open up Fort Knox and Call the “Cash For Gold” people.

2) Covert: Stop receiving daily briefings on the economy, and go off on vacation just like Congress.

1) Overt: Make another speech with the same old stale talking points and boring platitudes, exposing your inexperience as a statesman and lack of leadership as a world leader...Or buy a new rhyming dictionary!

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Warren Buffett to S&P: You Spell America, USAAAA!

New York, New York –

Although his comments were well intended, meant to calm the nerves of already jittery investors come Monday morning when the opening bell rings on Wall Street, Warren Buffett’s cognizance has had the opposite effect. When he said over the weekend of the investment risk assessment agency of Standard and Poor’s that they should have given Uncle Sam a “quadruple A” rating, instead of a “double A plus”.

“Wow! I guess the old man really lost it,” said one Wall Street investor. “Can’t he see we live in a global economy? And that America is just not number one anymore?”

A Wall Street insider said the market can weather Standard and Poor’s downgrading on the trading floor, “But I don’t think it can stand losing Mr. Buffett as well.”

Immediately after Mr. Buffett’s comments, however, a statement was released from the billionaire’s New York office that seemed to distance itself from the 80-year-old tycoon.

“With all due respect to Mr. Buffett, he just hasn’t been the same since he gave away a substantial portion of his fortune to charity,” read the statement. “He hasn’t yet realized any return on his philanthropic ventures, which has him somewhat perplexed.”

While other critics believe that Mr. Buffett is suffering from a very rare form of disease.

“Mr. Buffett has a disease almost never found among Wall Street types this days,” confirmed the Buffett family physician. “It’s called patriotism.”

Mr. Buffett’s physician added that there is little for other Wall Street investors to worry themselves about.

“It’s not a pathogen. So it isn’t contagious,” explained the doctor. “It’s genetic. Either you got it in you…or you don’t.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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