Burbank, California --
"Now, I for one believe you when you say you can't physically restrain yourself from masturbating," said a sympathetic Dr. Phil to YouTube's masturbating Playboy Bunny. "I mean just take a look at you...who could? I know I couldn't. Hell if I had a body like yours, I wouldn't even get out of bed."
Dr. Phil then reached out to touch the knee of the Playboy Bunny and leaning over to her during commercial break, asking her some questions.
"You say you constantly feel the need to masturbate? Is that right?" asked a disbelieving Dr. Phil of the sexy vixen.
The Playboy Bunny coyly nodded her head in the affirmative.
"Do you feel the need right now?" asked a surprised Dr. Phil withdrawing his hand from the young attractive woman's knee.
Again, the Playboy Bunny nodded her head and then without a spoken word she rose up and walked over to a light green "Port-A-Potty" placed on the stage behind her.
As the show came back from commercial break, Dr. Phil addressed the studio audience and viewers at home with an empty guest seat and low groans coming from the "Port-A-Potty".
"As you saw earlier before we went to commercial break," said a nervous Dr, Phil. "My guest today is the Playboy Bunny that has appeared on YouTube admitting to her personal problem with masturbation."
Just then the Playboy Bunny exited the "Port-A-Potty" and rejoined Dr. Phil, sitting at his side.
"Forgive me for asking you such a personal question, but I am a trained medical professional who will not judge you for your lifestyle decisions," said Dr. Phil as he wiped his hand on his pants, after shaking hands with the Playboy Bunny. "But while you were just in there...now how do I put this...were you choking the chicken, slapping the monkey....In short, pleasuring yourself again?"
"More like playing 'Hello Kitty', Dr. Phil," final spoke up the Playboy Bunny as he began to nervously cross her legs. "But it's not really me who wants to masturbate all the time."
"Well, who is it then?" replied Dr. Phil laughing along with the audience.
"No. I'm serious," said the Playboy Bunny as she held up her right hand. "It forces me to masturbate. I just run off into any room to hide. So that no body sees it doing what it does to me."
Dr. Phil then stopped laughing and took a closer look, examining the hand in detail.
"It starts with a slight tremor," explained the Playboy Bunny to a now dumbfounded captive audience. "Then slowly brushes the side of my face, running the back of its fingers against my neck, caressing my breasts before moving on between my legs."
"Excuse me," said Dr. Phil to the Playboy Bunny. "But I couldn't help notice that your right hand is starting to twitch. Does that mean you're feeling the need to...umm, relieve yourself right now?"
Biting her lower lip, the Playboy Bunny just nodded her head and ran off to the "Port-A-Potty" again.
While the Playboy Bunny was in the "Port-A-Potty" masturbating, Dr. Phil did his best to explain the possible medical causes of the Playboy Bunny's condition but no one, including the cameraman, was paying attention. All eyes and cameras remained focused on the "Port-A-Potty" as moans and groans that were even more pronounced than before emanated from inside.
"You see, I believe my guest is inflected with the rare disease called 'Phantom Hand Syndrome' which usually results in a person's own hand, being it the right or left, to choke the individual to death," said Dr. Phil over the din of the siren cries of ecstasy.
As the "Port-A-Potty" began to slowly rock back-and-forth, beads of sweat gathered on Dr. Phil's forehead and upper lip as he stood on the stage, just listening along with the rest of the audience to the animal like grunts and growls.
Finally, as the show returned from commercial break and the Playboy Bunny showed no sign of letting up, Dr. Phil had no choice, but to pull up his chair alongside the rocking "Port-A-Potty" and continue with his interview.
"Are y'all okay in there?" asked Dr. Phil, putting a microphone up to the "Port-A-Potty" door.
"Yes! Yes!" screeched out the Playboy Bunny from behind the green "Port-A-Potty" door. "Oh, yes!"
A few moments later, the Playboy Bunny came out again and resumed her interview with Dr. Phil to a stunned and somewhat flustered studio audience. However, as soon as she sat down, her left hand now began to tremor.
"Oh, no!" cried out the Playboy Bunny, looking down at her hand. "Not the left one too."
Again, the young attractive women raced to the "Port-A-Potty", while the studio audience wiggled uncomfortably in their seats, now fanning themselves with their hands.
"Now, normally I caution my audience to refrain from ingesting tobacco products," said Dr. Phil speaking directly to the studio audience, while he reached into his coat pocket pulling out a pack of cigarettes. "But in this case, I'm willing to make an exception. Smoke them if you got them. This could be a very, very long show."
Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo
