Mistletoe, Gateway Plant to Sexual Harassment and Assault??? Banned at Office Xmas Parties!!!

"Hey, you two! Get out from under that mistletoe!
Quit engaging in that politically incorrect, once socially
acceptable behavior. Didn't you get the memo from HR?"

By Robert W. Armijo

As we all know, this year was unprecedented in regards to the number of accusations of sexual harassment and even sexual assault at the office or workplace. So much so thousands of human resource (HR) departments around the Christmas observing world broke with a long standing seasonal tradition: mistletoe.

“It's the leading cause of both sexual harassment and sexual assault claims,” said Beverly DeAngelo, head of the HR department at Funfakenews.com.

DeAngelo says that with the combination of  letting down of one’s hair, carnival-like atmosphere and use of alcohol makes for a witch’s brew of bad behavior.

“Add on top of that mistletoe” continued DeAngelo. “And you got yourself a sexual harassment and/or sexual assault claim in the making.”

Mistletoe, a plant that has been apart of Christmas since the religious holiday had been observed, has served as a useful device or excuse to kiss someone you would not otherwise get to kiss on any other occasion or circumstance.

"The rules are clear enough," acknowledged DeAngelo. "You get sexually harassed...I mean sexually assaulted...I mean kissed only if you are standing under the mistletoe -- That's why I call it the gateway plant to sexual harassment and/or sexual assault."

According to DeAngelo, all forms of contextually socially acceptable excuses to make physical contact with the oppose and same sex have to be rethought; if not outright outlawed in this post Harvey Weinstein, Charlie Rose and Matt Lauer days.

DeAngelo is currently looking into other employer sponsored events like the company picnic to ban other longstanding traditions.

“So far, we are banning the three legged potato sack race,” said DeAngelo. “It’s too close for comfort. Plus we would be reducing our risk of a lawsuit for a possible violation the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). So I guess you could say, it’s a win, win all-around on that one.”  

DeAngelo explained that the potential for skin-to-skin human contact is too great of a risk to take for mere group cohesion at the office or workplace.

"We could all stand for a little less humanity at the office," said DeAngelo. "And focus more on productivity, wouldn't say?"

Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com

Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

No comments: