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| "Hey, you two! Get out from under that mistletoe! Quit engaging in that politically incorrect, once socially acceptable behavior. Didn't you get the memo from HR?" |
By Robert W. Armijo
As we all know, this year was
unprecedented in regards to the number of accusations of sexual harassment and
even sexual assault at the office or workplace. So much so thousands of human resource (HR)
departments around the Christmas observing world broke with a long standing
seasonal tradition: mistletoe.
“It's the leading cause of
both sexual harassment and sexual assault claims,” said Beverly DeAngelo, head
of the HR department at Funfakenews.com.
DeAngelo says that with the combination
of letting down of one’s hair, carnival-like
atmosphere and use of alcohol makes for a witch’s brew of bad behavior.
“Add on top of that mistletoe”
continued DeAngelo. “And you got yourself a sexual harassment and/or sexual assault
claim in the making.”
Mistletoe, a plant that has been apart of Christmas since the religious holiday had been observed, has served as a useful device or excuse to kiss someone you would not otherwise get to kiss on any other occasion or circumstance.
"The rules are clear enough," acknowledged DeAngelo. "You get sexually harassed...I mean sexually assaulted...I mean kissed only if you are standing under the mistletoe -- That's why I call it the gateway plant to sexual harassment and/or sexual assault."
According to DeAngelo, all
forms of contextually socially acceptable excuses to make physical contact with
the oppose and same sex have to be rethought; if not outright outlawed in this post Harvey
Weinstein, Charlie Rose and Matt Lauer days.
DeAngelo is currently looking
into other employer sponsored events like the company picnic to ban other
longstanding traditions.
“So far, we are banning the three
legged potato sack race,” said DeAngelo. “It’s too close for comfort. Plus we
would be reducing our risk of a lawsuit for a possible violation the Americans with Disabilities
Act (ADA). So I guess you could say, it’s a win, win all-around on that one.”
DeAngelo explained that the
potential for skin-to-skin human contact is too great of a risk to take for mere
group cohesion at the office or workplace.
"We could all stand for a little less humanity at the office," said DeAngelo. "And focus more on productivity, wouldn't say?"
Photo(s) Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com
Copyright© 2017 by Robert W.
Armijo. All rights reserved.
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