“Carmageddon” Takes a Detour to the La Brea Tar Pits

Miracle Mile, California –

Like many false prophets that Jesus Christ warned us about in the Bible, today the much media hyped hyperbolae dubbed “Carmageddon” did not materialize. Instead of awaking to bumper to bumper gridlock traffic flooding their side streets, blocking their driveways, however, the posh and well-heeled residents of LA’s Westside were in sharp contrast pleasantly surprised to find their neighborhoods eerily silent and nearly as empty as the closed 405 Freeway itself.

Reporters were at a loss as to where the much anticipated car jam went. Only to later discover that the detour signs setup days in advance announcing alternate routes for commuters to avoid the traffic caused by the closure of the 405 Freeway for the partial demolition of the Mulholland Drive Bridge had all been moved around overnight.

According to eyewitness accounts, a man with a long graybeard, carrying a wood staff and wearing red robe with an orange Caltrans vest over that intercepted the 405 Freeway side street traffic, misdirecting it to La Brea Tar Pits.

“He promised us a faster route through La Brea, if only we believed,” said one 405 Freeway survivor as he was pulled from the tar pits. “I guess, I guess I just didn’t believe hard enough.”

Standing at the edge of the La Brea Tar Pits, the old man waved his staff and parted the tar as if were the Red Sea.

“A gust of wind from Santa Fe then held back the walls of tar as cars drove into the pits,” said a homeless man. “Just as if it was blown from the nostrils of God.”

However, as the graybeard gentleman was arrested by the California Highway Patrol (CHP) for suspected identity theft and operating special effects without a filming permit, the walls of the La Brea Tar Pits suddenly collapsed onto the car caravan below, entombing it there.

“We just don’t know how many were trapped at the bottom of the tar pits when we shut the illegal byway down,” said the CHP. “I guess for them it really was ‘carmageddon’ after all.”

The CHP estimates ten thousand cars drove through the tar pits, making it safely to the other side.

“And shaving at least 15-minutes off their cross-town commute,” said the CHP.

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of: http://www.wpclipart.com/travel/US_Road_Signs/regulation/reg_4/reduce_speed_ahead.png.html

No comments: