Osama Bin Laden Nearly Escaped? Armed with a Herring?

Washington, D.C. --

Details are rapidly moving beyond sketchy. Into contradictory testimony territory and well into mental hopscotch mode regarding last Sunday’s daring raid by Special Forces on the secret lair of Osama bin Laden, located miles outside Abbottabad, Pakistan.

Despite initial reports filed by the mainstream media, for example, aided by sensational computer animations of the infamous terrorist leader firing an AK-47 at an approaching Black Hawk helicopter from the rooftop of his compound (or from inside), it is now reported instead that he was shot and killed, while unarmed.

However, the photographic evidence taken at the scene by a news crew shortly after the raid has now clearly contradicted those reports, like so many subsequently since. And which is now being scrutinized and analyzed by the likes of armchair generals and Monday morning quarterbacks.

Amongst the images amidst a ransacked room, appears that of a herring.

No doubt suggesting that Bin Laden was armed after all. Armed with a herring.

"It wasn’t just any herring either," said an antiterrorist network TV consultant. "It was a whole intact pickled herring."

According to the antiterrorist network TV consultant's latest theory, Bin Laden successfully beat back the Special Forces for a brief period of time.

"And nearly to the point of unconsciousness with only a pickled herring in hand," continued the antiterrorist network TV consultant.

At that point, Bin Laden was inches away from making his escape from the third floor of his compound.

"When lifting up his hand to make a final blow, striking the face of a Navy SEAL stationed at the only exit," said the antiterrorist network TV consultant.

Only the herring Bin Laden held in hand suddenly broke off at the tail. Flying over his head, it hit one of his three wives (the only one present in the room at the time) on the leg.

"That left the notorious international terrorist temporarily unarmed," said the antiterrorist network TV consultant.

And that gave the Special Forces team the time they desperately needed to recover from the surprise herring attack.

However, Bin Laden wasted no time rearming either.

"As he ran back to the pickle jar to reload, Special Forces began shooting at him," said the antiterrorist network TV consultant.

However, still disoriented with their night vision goggles knocked to the floor, they repeatedly missed their target.

"By the time they reacquired it," continued the antiterrorist network TV consultant. "The hit team was now facing down a rearmed Osama."

Though it was through the assistance of the business end of the barrel of their laser-pointer rifle scopes.

Only this time, Bin Laden was not holding a pickled herring in his hand anymore.

"He was holding two pickled herrings," said the antiterrorist network TV consultant. "They had no choice. They had to take him down."

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Photo Courtesy of:


No comments: