John Mayer to Undergo Emergency Penis Transformation Operation

Hollywood, California --

Not unlike most men, John Mayer has made the mistake every man has made on occasion in that he has allowed his penis to do his thinking for him. Unlike most men, however, he has taken the extra step in allowing his penis to do the talking for him as well.

In a desperate attempt to save his musical career and show his remorse, John Mayer’s agent has convinced him to undergo a radical medical procedure that will prevent him in the future from taking talking points from his “White Supremacist” penis, making racists statements against African-Americans and belligerent comments about his ex-girlfriends’ performances in the sack.

Doctor’s say the medical procedure is relatively a simple one, but like with all operations carries an unpredictable element of risk to the patient.

“I will be transplanting nerves from another part of the patient’s body,” said Doctor Hugo Von Weziel, chief resident surgeon at the Institute of Penis Pacification (IPP) in Hamburg, Germany. “That way we can avoid TISSUE REJECTION!!!”

The difficulty for Dr. Von Weziel and his top medical IPP staff is not to cut the nerves that connect to the brain located in John Mayer’s penis, but to bypass them.

“To be more accurate,” said Dr. Von Weziel. “We’ll be rerouting the nerves from John Mayer’s brain, which is not uniquely located in the penis for a man, to HIS SPHINCTER!!!”

In layman terms: his asshole.

That way, according Dr. Von Weziel. John Mayer will still maintain control over his vocal cords, and yet preserve his outspoken politically incorrect personally.

“After the operation, John Mayer will continue to sing those delightful songs that are so insightful and years beyond his own youthful inexperience of life,” said Dr. Von Weziel. “Of course, a lot of crap will still be coming out of his mouth, but now everybody will know the reason why. And simply IGNORE IT!!!”

Once he regained consciousness after the operation John Mayer was asked by his Black nurse how he felt. To which he replied to her, “Did they really take the dictator out my [BLEEP]? Because right now, it’s telling me it’s hungry for some brown sugar, BABY!!!”

“Oh John,” said the Black nurse giggling, while she was being chased around the hospital bed by John Mayer. “You're so crazy.”

“You see what I MEAN???!!!” said Dr. Von Weziel.

Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo