Post-Divorce Kate Gosselin Hosts New Reality TV Show: “Ex-Wives Gone Wild!”

Hollywood, California --

Just moments after her appearance on the nationally syndicated Jay Leno Show last Friday making her announcement that the judge finalized her divorce to Jon Gosselin earlier in the day and her public declaration: “I’m a wild woman!” Kate Gosselin’s cell phone ring tone sounded off nonstop with offers from Hollywood producers for a new reality TV show just for her.

What everybody does not realize, however, is that here on the West Coast, ‘The Jay Leno Show’ is on a time delay, while back East Cost it goes on the air live. The following occurred as it aired uncensored, unedited and from it’s original remote broadcasting location: a bar.

“Guess what the first thing I did right after the judge finalized my divorce, Jay?” said a seemingly inebriated Kate from a live remote as she sat on a bar stool back East.

“I don’t know. Stop off at the closes bar to have a drink?” replied Jay Leno as he and the studio audience laughed.

“No silly. After that,” said Kate Gosselin, struggling to hold up a membership card to a gym (one of her latest sponsors) that hung from her neck, a brightly colored all-you-can-drink orange wristband catching everyone’s eye instead.

“Oh, I see now. You joined a gym?” said Jay Leno playing up to the studio audience as he pointed to his own wrist and motioned like he was throwing back a few drinks from an invisible shot glass in his hand, while he wobbled around the stage like he was drunk. “Probably to get your hairdo back in shape, huh.”

“What?” said Kate. “How did you know?”

“Let’s just say a little bird told me and move on, okay?” said a somewhat nervous looking Jay.

“They talk to you too?” replied Kate. “I thought I just heard them, after watching ‘Dumbo’ so many times. Do you know I remember every word from that movie? They ought to pass a law making it illegal to force parents to watch a movie with their kids more than thousand times. You know what I mean Jay? Jay?”

“What, ah…What about the children?” said Jay as he struggled to maintain his train of thought.

“Oh they don’t mind,” said Kate. “They could watch that movie a millions times and they probably will too.”

“No, not that,” replied Jay with his hands in his pockets rocking back-and-forth on his heels. “I meant where are the children.”

“What?” said an undeniably intoxicated Kate as she spoke with one eye closed. “Oh that… Jon’s got them for the weekend. Ha! Isn’t payback a bitch sometimes? Huh, Jay? You know what I mean?”

“I guess,” said Jay, giving hand signals to the control room to cut the piece.

“You know,” said Kate as she started getting reflective and philosophical, reaching over the bar, grabbing the camera and pulling it over to her until it encompassed her face. “We really haven’t had the time to get to know each other very well, have we? Have any of us really for that matter?”

“What do you mean?” replied Jay as he backed away from the giant TV screen of Kate’s face.

“I mean you’re so busy with your TV show every night,” said Kate looking directly into the camera lens. “While I’m out on the road bad mouthing my cheating husband for not being back home, spending time enough quality with the family watching ‘Dumbo’ with the kids and me. I thank we should use this time to get to know each other a little better. One on one, don’t you?”

“No!” protested Jay as he through opens his jacket in vane trying to block the giant TV screen, the image of Kate French kissing the camera lens. “For God sakes this a family show now!”

Copyright Ó 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo