Son Thrown Overboard, Used as Live Bait?

Huntington Beach, California –

A father threw his 7-year-old son overboard a harbor tour boat called “The Raging Queen,” claiming that he was trying to teach junior survival skills -- And not trying to endanger his son’s life or compromise his son’s safety.

“I can give him a fish, feeding him for a day,” explained the father who was out on bail after being arrested for child endangerment and resisting arrest. “Or I can teach him how to fish, feeding him for a lifetime.”

According to eyewitnesses, however, the father appeared to be drunk at the time and verbally abusive to his son, threatening the boy that he would toss him overboard, if he continued to cry.

“He was crying,” admitted the father. “But that was only because he spotted a great white [shark] in the water.”

So dad calmed down his boy by offering to toss him from the other side of the boat.

“Apparently, it worked,” said police.

As the child stopped crying long enough to assist his father, who was busy attaching bloody raw chunks of fish to an array of hooks fastened to the boy’s belt.

Although, all agree on one thing: that the father jumped in after his boy. Once again, the testimony between the father and eyewitnesses conflicts.

“I jumped in after him not because he was in danger,” the father insisted. “I jumped in after him because he forgot to tie the fishing line to his belt.”

Fortunately, the boy was rescued from the water by an industrial fishing vessel, which scooped him up in its nets.

“But later, nearly processed him to death at the cannery,” said police.


Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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'Emeril’s Mother’s Day Breakfast in Bed' Gets A Parental Advisory?

Los Angeles, California --

Terrified that her children were watching a pornographic movie, Angela Brougher, mother of two ran into the living room from the kitchen when she heard ‘Emeril’s Mother’s Day Breakfast in Bed’ on ‘Good Morning America’.

"They really should give that cooking segment with Chef Emeril a parental advisory for its suggested sexual content," said Mrs. Brougher who was alarmed by the grunts and groans she heard emanating from her TV set.

"But mostly by the seemingly sexually explicit adult language," Mrs. Brougher explained.

An audio playback and transcript of the cooking segment does seem to confirm Mrs. Brougher’s assertion that the content of the show should be given a parental advisory or at least serious consideration.

However, you are free to determine that for yourself. As the following is a copy of the transcript from that cooking segment, ‘Emeril’s Mother’s Day Breakfast in Bed’, which aired earlier today on ‘Good Morning America’. And by today, it is meant today, as in the phrase: Today the ‘Today’ show will not be seen today.

The transcript picks up Emeril’s cooking segment just after he arrives at a house to surprise a mother who has been nominated for a free Mother’s Day breakfast in bed. A meal fully prepared, cooked and served by Mr. Lagasse himself.

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Emeril
Where’s the bed? Let’s roll out the bed!

Mother
Here? Now? On national TV? In front of all these people? What will the neighbors think?

Emeril
Now, let’s kick it up a notch. Mama, get in that bed right now!

Mother
(Giggling)
Well, okay, if you say so, Emeril.

Emeril
Yes, I say so. Now can you feel the love, baby?

Mother
Oh yeah, baby.

Emeril
Yeah baby.

Mother
Yeah, baby!

Emeril
BAM!

Mother
(Groaning with pleasure)

Emeril
Now would like more of my hot Italian sausage?

Mother
Well, if it’s not too spicy. If it’s too spicy, it gives me gas.

Emeril
What kind of gas do you mean? The kind that comes out of your --

Mother
(Pointing to her mouth)
Yeah, the kind that comes from right here.

Emeril
Ah, yes. From your pie hole, not your a –

Mother
Oh look! It seems I have something on my chin.

Emeril
Let me wipe some of that juice off your face.

Mother
No, leave it on. I love your juices and sauces, Emeril. They’re not salty at all.

Emeril
That’s because I believe in following a strict sodium free diet.

Mother
Just give me some more of your honey buns, so I can sop it up like gravy.

Emeril
Would you like some more gravy? Because I have more than a loving spoon full, you know. I have a ladle full.

Mother
Give it to me, Emeril. Let me have it, please.

Emeril
No need to beg for it, little mama. Now would you like some more good stuffing, mama? You look like you could use some more good stuffing.

Mother
You read my mind.

Emeril
Yup. Now let’s kick it up a notch.

Mother
Oh yeah. It has been so long.

Emeril
Yes, mama, I’ve plenty more from where that came from. Just for you because it’s your day today, little mama.

Mother
I don’t understand you look like such a small man, yet --

Emeril
See mama? I got more.

Mother
So you do. So you do. But I’m not sure I can fit any more into my mouth.
I’m just too full as it is.

Emeril
Let’s try and see, okay?

Mother
Well, if you say so. Are you sure it will fit?

Emeril
Yup, it fits. Just barely, I had to squeeze it in.

Mother
(Mumbles with mouth full something inaudible)

Emeril
BAM!

Mother
(Groaning with pleasure)

Emeril
That’s it for today, folks. And to women everywhere, remember you have to be a lover before can be a mother. Well, technically you don’t, but that other option involves a turkey baster and a bottle of really, really cheap red wine. And this is a family show. Besides, we’re out of time.

Happy Mother’s Day!

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Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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