Pope Tripped Trying to Kick a Football in the Cathedral, New Video Shows

Vatican City --

Italian police have gathered up all the video footage on the attack on Pope Benedict XVI during the midnight Mass on Christmas Eve last Thursday, carefully analyzing it for clues. So far their investigation has surfaced a new video, which, if proven authentic, contains footage that contradicts previous reports that a 25-year-old psychologically disturbed woman tackled the Holy See, clearing her of all criminal charges against him.

“Obviously, Vatican officials tried to cover-up the truth in order to save the reputation of the pontiff by claiming the young woman tackled him,” said Italian Police Inspector Pablo Giorgio at a press conference where new evidence was featured. “However, as the newly uncovered video documents, the Pope tripped on his own accord.”

Italian police did concede, however, that the Pope was setup for the fall by the young woman.

“Footage from the newly discovered video clearly shows a women in a red hooded sweater jumping over the roped petition as we have all seen before,” continued Inspector Giorgio as he played the video on a large plasma TV screen to reporters “However, as you can see from this angle, after jumping over the partition, she actually ran down the aisle of St. Peter’s Basilica, passing the Pope, but clearly carrying something under her clothing. Yards ahead of him, she kneels down on one knee as if to pray, but instead produces a football [American], the bulging object we saw earlier, from under her sweater.”

As soon as Pope Benedict XVI got sight of the football held out by the young woman, who kept it balanced on the ground with one finger in front of her, he began to run toward it, lifting up his holy vestments along the way, exposing his red leather shoes.

“So, as you can see the Holy See did not trip on his sacred robes and holy garments,” continued Inspector Giorgio.

As the video played in slow motion, just as the Pope made his final approach to kick the football, the young woman in the red hooded sweater suddenly pulled it away from the path of the Pope, causing him to trip heels overhead.

“AAUGH!” exclaimed out the Pope on the video as he fell to the ground.

“The Pope went down, “ concluded Inspector Giorgio. “Just like the American cartoon boy, Charlie Brown.”

Italian police said they are still searching for a motive in the case, ironically freezing the video on the young woman’s red hooded sweater. A ‘Peanuts’ sweater that had ‘Lucy’ on it with a caption and cartoon that read: ‘Psychiatric Help 5 Cents – The Doctor is in.”

Copyright Ó 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo