Showing posts with label iPhone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label iPhone. Show all posts

Apple’s iPhones Download Porn Slower than Other Smart Phones!!!

Apple finally admitted that its 6, 6s and SE iPhones were deliberately programmed to slow down in order to avoid a battery drain due to power demands of downloading porn.

“We would have come forward sooner,” said a spokesperson for Apple. “But we really didn’t think anyone would notice.”

“Oh, I noticed,” said an iPhone user. “Just the other day I was in a public restroom at a truck stop trying download porn when my iPhone took forever to download porn.”

According the iPhone user, by the time the pornographic images came on to his screen, the moment had passed and he had to leave his bathroom stall unsatisfied and frustrated.  

“Finally, the images downloaded,” continued the iPhone user. “But by then, I was on the road and had to pull my rigg over to the side of the road, hitting a tinny little car in the process.”

Ironically, the iPhone user struck a Smart Car.  

Photo(s) Courtesy of: Parody Law

Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Steve Jobs: iRetire…Pad

Silicon Valley, California –

Sporting his traditional Friday casual wear of stonewashed blue jeans, black turtleneck sweater and clear frame eyeglasses, Apple’s most successful CEO and one of its founders, Steve Jobs took to the stage one more time in a futile attempt to convince his devoted followers that he was retiring.

“I know you’re all accustomed to seeing me standing up here, rolling out yet another Apple product,” Steve Jobs tried to explain to the crowd. Only they did not listen. But instead cheered and yelled with anticipation at being the first to receive the next Apple product.

“They’re all like Pavlovian dogs,” said an Apple critic. “Conditioned to expect another Apple innovation to come down the pipeline whenever they see him take to the stage.”

Noticing that no one was paying attention to what he was saying, Steve Jobs resorted to using one of his innovations to communicate with the audience.

“With everyone using either an iPod, iPhone or iPad device to tell their family and friends that Steve Jobs was about to annunciate the next Apple product,” said a personal assistant to Jobs. “Unfortunately that’s when he decided to instantly send out photos of the new home he bought for his retirement.”

“Virtual retirement homes located in cyberspace?!” yelled out a voice from the crowd, as the rest held back their breath as they all simultaneously received Jobs’ photos.

“What an ingenious way to solve the upcoming Baby Boomer homelessness problem!” came another voice from the boisterous thong.

Slowly the individual whisper, became a collective chant, “i…retire…i…retire…i…retire…”

“Then they made a run for the exits,” continued the personal assistant to Jobs.

Texting along the way to their family and friends instructions to campout in front of an Apple store to purchase Jobs' latest electronic device: the "iRetirement Pad".

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.