Showing posts with label Pink's Hot Dogs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pink's Hot Dogs. Show all posts

Betty White Honored by Roadside Phallic Symbol Fast-Food Restaurant: 'Pink's Hot Dogs'!

Hollywood, California --

'Pink's Hot Dogs', the world famous roadside phallic symbol fast-food Americana restaurant, paid homage to the octogenarian actress, Betty White, today. By dedicating one of its hotdogs, the so-called 'Naked Dog', which was inspired by her longtime Hollywood acting career, in her honor.

"We wanted to name a hotdog that says -- just by looking at it now -- that's Betty White," said a spokesman for 'Pink's'. "But that's so much easier to do with a male actor. So we settled on honoring how Betty White, and other actresses from her era, spent most of their careers instead: naked and on the casting couch."

"With the 'hotdog' representing the male phallic, dominating the Hollywood industry," interjected a psychiatrist. "And the 'bun' representing, ah...representing the casting couch, of course."

"It's true," said Betty White as she sat down at a bench table outside of Pink's waiting to be served her namesake. "I was laid out on my back on some director's casting couch more than I care to recall, if I could that is. All I remember is those awful bed sores. But I have no regrets. Well, except for the time I wasted sleeping with the writers. Say, where's my hotdog?"

Betty White continued to openly confess to being exposed to a promiscuous lifestyle of Caligula like orgies and enjoying it, putting to bed many of the rumors of her alleged affairs with the leading men of the silver screen of her day.

"I was such a whore back then. But then again, who wasn't?" said Betty White impatiently looking about for her hotdog. "And quite the bitch too. Oh was I a bitch. If you ever got in my way, I'd cut you. But that was back in the day when I carried a blade."

Finally, Betty White was served her hotdog with all the fanfare. With Pink's staff, media and well-wishers alike standing by watching.

"Oh, is this my hotdog?" asked a seemingly coy Betty White as she held up the tubular shaped meat stick up to her mouth, using both white gloved hands. "Why it looks just like a big [BLEEP], doesn't it?"

As Betty White sunk her teeth into the foot-long all Nebraskan corn fed beef wiener that came with no toppings, she struggled to talk with her mouth full.

"Who knew I never use condiments on my wieners?" inquired Betty White, as she looked Pink's staff up and down. "I don't remember having slept with any of you. Though it's quite possible. You all have so many clothes on, I can't tell."

Sensing discomfort in the atmosphere, Betty White made her best effort at causal conversation to defuse the tension in the air.

"Anyway, that was back in my day when you could get away with it...condiments, I mean," continued Betty White as she began to fidget in her bench seat, losing her train of thought. "And all you had to deal with was the occasional illegal abortion or two down Mexico way. Say, that reminds me of Anthony Quinn. Is he still alive? That man was built like a horse. Do you have a hotdog named after him, too? You do. Could I order one? Wait...better make that two, and to go. I never fill up on just the one, you know. It's a bad habit leftover from the old days...what?"

Feeling uncomfortable with all the judgmental looks she was receiving, Betty White reached for her purse as she recanted.

"Of course, you don't have to worry about me now days," said Betty White as she pulled something shiny and sharp from her purse, cupping it in her white gloved hand. "I'm just a sweet harmless little old lady."

Copyright © 2010 by Robert W. Armijo