Showing posts with label Meredith Baxter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Meredith Baxter. Show all posts

Meredith Baxter: “Hello! I said I’m gay! Is anybody out there?”

Santa Monica, California --

Former sitcom TV mom, Meredith Baxter, from the 1880s…sorry, from the 1980s show ‘Family Ties’ attempted to make the rounds on a second press junket after being knocked off the front pages and talks shows by the Tiger Woods sex scandal. However, after being turned down by booking agents, she had to settle for a press conference her manager arranged for her at the cliff side senior citizen center in Santa Monica, California.

“Hello,” said Meredith Baxter over the microphone as feedback echos crackled and popped over the captive audience of senior citizens. “Can everybody hear me? Good. You may all recognize me from my role as playing a straight mom on the TV show ‘Family Ties’. Well, I’d just like to come out and say that I’m gay now.”

“Hey, look everybody it’s that old spinster lady that always had her hair up from the ‘Facts of Life?” said one senior citizen. “Where’s our lunch anyways? I’m hungry. What’s taking so long?”

“No, no. You got me confused with someone else,” said Meredith Baxter as she fussed with her hair. “See, I wear my hair down. Not up…I played Michael J. Fox’s mother.”

“Oh, yeah,” yelled out one attendant from the back of the room. “I remember you.”

As carts slowly rolled out plastic lunch trays, Meredith Baxter desperately competed for the attention of the senior citizens which was now focused on the food being served.

“Hello!” sarcastically yelled out Meredith Baxter into the microphone, causing another feedback echo. “I said I’m gay! Is anybody out there?”

“What did she say?” asked a senior citizen of one of the attendants who was serving lunch.

“She said she was gay,” repeated the attendant.

"Lucky girl,” said the senior citizen. “I wish I had some Bengay, my rheumatism is acting up something awful.”

“No you old fool,” said another senior citizen. “She said she was gay! You know, like happy.”

Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo

Meredith Baxter Confesses: “How giving birth to Michael J. Fox made me gay.”

New York, New York --

“Well, not literally give birth to him, but his fictional conservative character, Alex P. Keaton, he portrayed on the show 'Family Ties,” said Meredith Baxter one of America’s favorite sitcom TV moms that admits that she has been living the lesbian lifestyle for the past seven years.

“I know people didn’t choose to be gay,” says Baxter. “But sometimes, some things…or as in my case, somebody, just drives you to it.”

As Baxter explained it, she never knew she had feelings for other women until seven years ago when she finally sat down to watch reruns of the 1980s sitcom on cable TV.

“I never watched the show before,” said Baxter, who has two grown biological children of her own, a product from a former heterosexual marriage. “So when I finally did, I was so repulsed by Michael J. Fox’s conservative character that I said to myself, ‘You got to make that up to the world somehow.”

Baxter got sick to her stomach when she realized that she acted as the surrogate mother, contributing to the rebirth of the conservative movement in the 1980s by bearing its poster child, Alex P. Keaton, in her womb.

“Now, I know how Rosemary felt in ‘Rosemary’s Baby,” said Baxter. “It just kills me to think how many kids Alex P. Keaton turned on to conservatism, making them think it was cool. I should’ve drowned him in the bathtub.”

After several days of soul-searching, while aboard a cruse ship with 1,200 other lesbians, Baxter came up with an idea.

“I got it!” said Baxter while having a midnight snack at the all-night, all-you-can-eat buffet. “I’ll make it up to the world by becoming a lesbian!”

Asked how being gay compared to being straight having experienced both lifestyles, Baxter replied: “Being a lesbian is just like being a straight woman, except without the fear of morning sickness, or having to put the seat down in the middle of the night.”

Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo