Gen. Milley Intercepts Nuclear Football from President Trump for Red China Win-Win

Congressional artist illustration 
of General Milley Taking Possession of 
the Once Civilian Controlled Nuclear Football  

Washington, DC --

By Robert W. Armijo

What the America public and many Congressmen did not know and was revealed during the Congressional hearing on General Milley’s assuring his counterpart in China that President Trump was effectively no longer in control of our nation’s nuclear football,  was that the term “nuclear football” is not just another clever military euphemism.

“So you’re saying the nuclear football is a football,” asked a Congressman in disbelief of General Milley.

“Not exactly, it’s a suitcase that is actually made in the shape of a football,” said General Milley. “It was made like that, so it can get into the hands of the president as soon as possible. Even from across the other side of a crowed room or banquet hall.”

“How can you be so sure the president can catch it from such a distance?” asked the Congressman. 

“We’re not,” said General Milley. “That’s why the president is always flanked by at least two Secret Service agents that are also professionally trained wide receivers.”

“Oh,” replied the Congressman. “I guess that makes sense.”

General Milley went on to explain and justify his unconventional and possibly treasonous actions. 

In the final days of the Trump administration, General Milley noticed President Trump was carrying the nuclear football everywhere he went in the White House and all over the grounds, tossing it up in the air and catching, while in deep contemplation. 

One day, President Trump and his son, Barron was tossing the nuclear football to each other in the Oval office. 

General Milley sat on the couch between the two as his eyes nervously tracked the fate of the world, flying just feet above his head. That is when he knew he had to do something.

So the general reached up into the air and grabbed the nuclear football, running out of the Oval office headed straight to the White House situation room.

“Hey, that's my ball,” said Barron.

President Trump shouted to his Secret Service agents to tackle General Milley. 

But the general was too fast and with the nuclear football safely cradled in his right forearm and his left arm fully extended with palm and fingers spread out, he jumped over furniture and side rolled his way passed the all the president’s men right into the situation room, slamming the steel reinforced door behind him shut.  

“What happened next General?” another Congressman asked. 

“Once I had relocated the nuclear football in a secured place, away from the hands of our Commander In Chief, I made a long distance Zoom call to my trusted and BFF counterpart in China,” General Milley explained. 

“Then what?” asked the same Congressman. 

“I did what my counterpart suggested,” answered General Milley. 

“Which was?” asked a different Congressman. 

“I took out a letter opener and popped it,” replied General Milley. 

The entire congressional gallery let out a collective sigh of relief. 

“Where’s the deflated nuclear football right now?” asked another member of the Congressional committee. 

“Oh, that. Its right here,” said General Milley as he stood up and lifted up the flattened device of doom. “I’ve been sitting on it this whole time.”

The gallery let out a collective gasp. 

General Milley then tossed the nuclear football to the Congressional panel like a Frisbee. 

“Here you take it,” said General Milley. “I’m tried of playing the role of the duly elected leader of the free world.” 

Photo(s) Courtesy of

Copyright © 2021 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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